The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete — Jean-Jacques Rousseau — John Shaqi
The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Complete
Jean-Jacques Rousseau · en
I was so absolutely in the power of both these mistresses, that when in
the presence of either, I never thought of her who was absent; in other
respects, the effects they produced on me bore no affinity. I could have
passed my whole life with Miss Vulson, without forming a wish to quit
her; but then, my satisfaction was attended with a pleasing serenity;
and, in numerous companies, I was particularly charmed with her. The
sprightly sallies of her wit, the arch glance of her eye, even jealousy
itself, strengthened my attachment, and I triumphed in the preference
she seemed to bestow on me, while addressed by more powerful rivals;
applause, encouragement, and smiles, gave animation to my happiness.
Surrounded by a throng of observers, I felt the whole force of love--I
was passionate, transported; in a tete-a-tete, I should have been
constrained, thoughtful, perhaps unhappy. If Miss Vulson was ill,
I suffered with her; would willingly have given up my own health to
establish hers (and, observe I knew the want of it from experience); if
absent, she employed my thoughts, I felt the want of her; when present,
her caresses came with warmth and rapture to my heart, though my senses
were unaffected. The familiarities she bestowed on me I could not
have supported the idea of her granting to another; I loved her with a
brother’s affection only, but experienced all the jealousy of a lover.
With Miss Goton this passion might have acquired a degree of fury; I
should have been a Turk, a tiger, had I once imagined she bestowed her
favors on any but myself. The pleasure I felt on approaching Miss Vulson
was sufficiently ardent, though unattended with uneasy sensations;
but at sight of Miss Goton, I felt myself bewildered--every sense was
absorbed in ecstasy. I believe it would have been impossible to have
remained long with her; I must have been suffocated with the violence
of my palpitations. I equally dreaded giving either of them displeasure;
with one I was more complaisant; with the other, more submissive. I
would not have offended Miss Vulson for the world; but if Miss Goton
had commanded me to throw myself into the flames, I think I should have
instantly obeyed her. Happily, both for her and myself, our amours; or
rather rendezvous, were not of long duration: and though my connection
with Miss Vulson was less dangerous, after a continuance of some greater
length, that likewise had its catastrophe; indeed the termination of a
love affair is good for nothing, unless it partakes of the romantic, and
can furnish out at least an exclamation.