A Philosophical Dictionary, Volume 09 — Voltaire — John Shaqi
A Philosophical Dictionary, Volume 09
Voltaire · en
The page was wrong. We are not to become Mahometans because we are
incensed; but we must pardon a feeling young man who loved Henry IV.
Master Filesac spoke according to his theology; the page attended to his
heart.
REASONABLE, OR RIGHT.
At the time that all France was carried away by the system of Law, and
when he was comptroller-general, a man who was always in the right came
to him one day and said:
"Sir, you are the greatest madman, the greatest fool, or the greatest
rogue, who has yet appeared among us. It is saying a great deal; but
behold how I prove it. You have imagined that we may increase the riches
of a state ten-fold by means of paper. But this paper only represents
money, which is itself only a representative of genuine riches, the
production of the earth and manufacture. It follows, therefore, that you
should have commenced by giving us ten times as much corn, wine, cloth,
linen, etc.; this is not enough, they must be certain of sale. Now you
make ten times as many notes as we have money and commodities; ergo, you
are ten times more insane, stupid, or roguish, than all the comptrollers
or superintendents who have preceded you. Behold how rapidly I will
prove my major."
Scarcely had he commenced his major than he was conducted to St.
Lazarus. When he came out of St. Lazarus, where he studied much and
strengthened his reason, he went to Rome. He demanded a public audience,
and that he should not be interrupted in his harangue. He addressed his
holiness as follows:
"Holy father, you are Antichrist, and behold how I will prove it to your
holiness. I call him ante-Christ or antichrist, according to the meaning
of the word, who does everything contrary to that which Christ
commanded. Now Christ was poor, and you are very rich. He paid tribute,
and you exact it. He submitted himself to the powers that be, and you
have become one of them. He wandered on foot, and you visit Castle
Gandolfo in a sumptuous carriage. He ate of all that which people were
willing to give him, and you would have us eat fish on Fridays and
Saturdays, even when we reside at a distance from the seas and rivers.
He forbade Simon Barjonas using the sword, and you have many swords in
your service, etc. In this sense, therefore, your holiness is
Antichrist. In every other sense I exceedingly revere you, and request
an indulgence '_in articulo mortis_.'"
My free speaker was immediately confined in the castle of St. Angelo.
When he came out of the castle of St. Angelo, he proceeded to Venice,
and demanded an audience of the doge. "Your serenity," he exclaimed,
"commits a great extravagance every year in marrying the sea; for, in
the first place, people marry only once with the same person; secondly,
your marriage resembles that of Harlequin, which was only half
performed, as wanting the consent of one of the parties; thirdly, who
has told you that, some day or other, the other maritime powers will not
declare you incapable of consummating your marriage?"