A Comic History of the United StatesHopkins, Livingston
History
A Comic History of the United States
Hopkins, Livingston
United States -- History -- Humor
Here it is translated from the original Spanish. If the gentle reader
can make head or tail of it he is more gentle even than we had at first
supposed. The publication of this map at the time naturally inspired
others with the spirit of adventure, and discovering America became
quite the rage. Indeed, so common were voyages of discovery to the New
World, that only one besides that of Columbus is deemed of sufficient
note to find a place in this history. We allude to that of Americus
Vespucius.
This gentleman, who was a Florentine by birth, made a voyage to South
America in 1499. He wrote sensational letters to the papers describing
his voyage and the country, which were afterwards published in book form
by a German geographer, who gave the name “America” to the New World,
but this history cheerfully accords to [1]Christopher Columbus the
imperishable glory of finding out the roosting-place of the American
eagle.
Footnote 1:
Mr. Columbus is better known as the author of that soul-stirring
melody, “Hail Columbia!”
_CHAPTER IV._
HAVING TO HIS ENTIRE SATISFACTION SETTLED THE QUESTION AS TO WHO
DISCOVERED AMERICA, THE AUTHOR PROCEEDS TO SETTLE THE COUNTRY
ITSELF—JOHN SMITH IS MENTIONED—JOHN SMITH ON THE ROSTRUM—JOHN
SMITH IN DIFFICULTIES—THE PLOT THICKENS AS FAR AS J. SMITH IS
CONCERNED—THE DEATH PENALTY—SLOW MUSIC—* * * * SAVED!
It was a century or more after the events narrated in the last chapter
before any attempt was made to establish a colony in America, or before
civilization got any permanent foothold.
[Illustration]
In 1606 a certain “London company” got out a patent on Virginia, and the
next year sent over a ship-load of old bachelors to settle its claim.
They landed at Jamestown in the month of May, and here the wretched
outcasts went into lodgings for single gentlemen.
The whole country was a howling wilderness, overrun with Indians, wild
beasts and Jersey mosquitoes.
These hardy pioneers had come to an unexplored region with a vague,
general idea that they were to dig gold, trade with the Indians, get
enormously rich and return home. So sanguine were they of speedy success
that they planted nothing that year. The few sandwiches they had brought
with them were soon consumed, the gold did not “pan out,” the Indians
drove very hard bargains, offering a ready market for hair, but giving
little or nothing in return.
[Illustration:
_A BUSINESS TRANSACTION._
]
To make matters worse, the Fevernager, a terrible disease of the period,
got among them, and by fall only a handful of the colonists remained,
and these were a very shaky lot indeed, with not clothing enough among
them to wad a shot-gun.
Among this seedy band was one John Smith, who, being out of funds
himself, and a public spirited person withal, saw that unless provisions
could be obtained shortly, the scheme of colonizing America would be a
failure.
[Illustration:
_John Smith on the Rostrum._
]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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