What a shock to all the romance of my life were the scenes into which I
now was thrown! With hundreds of companions to choose from, I found
not one congenial to me. The reading men, too deeply bent upon winning
honors, would not waste a thought upon what could not advance their
chances of success. The idle, only eager to get through their career
undetected in their ignorance, passed lives of wild excess or stupid
extravagance.
What was I to do amongst such associates? What I did do,--avoid them,
shun them, live in utter estrangement from all their haunts, their
ways, and themselves. If the proud man who has achieved success in
life encounters immense difficulties when, separating himself from
his fellows, he acknowledges no companionship, nor admits any to his
confidence, it may be imagined what must be the situation of one who
adopts this isolation without any claim to superiority whatever. As can
easily be supposed, I was the butt of my fellow students, the subject of
many sarcasms and practical jokes. The whole of my Freshman year was a
martyrdom. I had no peace, was rhymed on by poetasters, caricatured by
draughtsmen, till the name of Potts became proverbial for all that was
eccentric, ridiculous, and absurd.
Curran has said, “One can't draw an indictment against a nation;” in the
same spirit did I discover “one cannot fight his whole division.” For a
while I believe I experienced a sort of heroism in my solitary state;
I felt the spirit of a Coriolanus in my heart, and muttered, “I banish
_you! _” but this self-supplied esteem did not last long, and I fell
into a settled melancholy. The horrible truth was gradually forcing its
way slowly, clearly, through the mists of my mind, that there might
be something in all this sarcasm, and I can remember to this hour, the
day--ay, and the very place--wherein the questions flashed across me: Is
my hair as limp, my nose as long, my back as arched, my eyes as green as
they have pictured them? Do I drawl so fearfully in my speech? Do I drag
my heavy feet along so ungracefully? Good heavens! have they possibly a
grain of fact to sustain all this fiction against me?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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