MRS. P. I don't think that Captain Plunger stands in need of their commiseration. ETHEL. Captain Plunger! What, is Captain Plunger married? MRS. P. Captain Plunger is. ETHEL. And yet he had the impudence to make me think he wasn't? MRS. P. Do you mean to say it's Captain Plunger you've been flirting with? ETHEL. For all the world as if he was a bachelor! the wretch! MRS. P. The monster! But I'm even with him; for he can't have flirted half as hard with you as I have done with Mr. Larkspur. ETHEL. Mr. Larkspur! Is it Mr. Larkspur you've been flirting with? MRS. P. Of course it is. He always was a favourite of mine. ETHEL. But you were not a favourite of his. He doesn't care for you a bit. MRS. P. I fear, myself, it's a good deal. ETHEL. It isn't though, I tell you. He can't bear the sight of you. MRS. P. I dare say not, my love. It will of course remind him that I am another's. ETHEL. But he doesn't care whose you are. MRS. P. Well, well, you needn't get excited, dear. If you _are_ married, Mr. Larkspur's state of mind is of no consequence to you. ETHEL. It's just because I'm married that it is of consequence to me--for I'm his wife. MRS. P. You Mr. Larkspur's wife? Then Mr. Larkspur's married? ETHEL. I should think he is. MRS. P. I am so glad. It was so very painful to suppose that he was dying for me. ETHEL. If you have supposed so, you have given yourself a great deal of superfluous anxiety. He was never better in his life. MRS. P. I'm very glad to hear it. So he's married you, my dear? I was afraid, when he perceived I was inflexible, he would do something rash. ETHEL. Do you mean to say that he's proposed to you? MRS. P. I never let him go so far, my pet. But you should see how he makes love to me. ETHEL. I will. I'll hide behind the curtains here, like this--(_retires among the curtains_) and listen with both ears. MRS. P. Do, darling, and you'll have a pleasant time of it. _Re-enter EDWIN, through window, L._ You've come back, have you, Mr. Larkspur? EDWIN. I have come back, Mrs. Plunger. MRS. P. Oh! You've found out that, I'm married? EDWIN. And whom to. I must say that I think you might have told me. I consider that flirtation by a married woman is most reprehensible. MRS. P. I quite agree with you. I think it almost as abominable as flirtation by a married man. EDWIN. Eh? MRS. P. I congratulate you, Mr. Larkspur. EDWIN. Then you've heard _I'm_ married? Well I am. I'm married to the nicest girl in England; but ten days at Dumpington are more than flesh can stand. I got intolerably tired of its monotony, and for a little change I thought I would make love to you. MRS. P. What, for a little change!