One day in one of my mad fits, (_though I was not drunk_,) I resolved to delay no longer to put an end to my miserable existence; for that purpose I went into a garden near by: the same instrument that had been lifted up before, was again employed; I was in such great despair, that I was relentless towards my own life and happiness; so that I lifted up my sanguinary hand and struck my left breast twice[22].--I fell down senseless; some persons who were near, hearing the exclamation I made, which was, Oh! Mother, I shall never see thee again! came to see what was the matter; and to their great surprise, found me wallowing in my own blood. They carried me into my room for dead, and some person went to fetch the Doctor. As soon as the Doctor saw my wounds, which were through my lungs, he said, I can be of no use to him, for he has not ten minutes to live; but if he does, I may be of service to him: and went away. But he was soon fetched back again for I was not dead. When he came the second time, he gave me something to drink which recalled me to my senses: my inside being full of blood, he thought it would be proper to bleed me, it might ease me a little, for I could hardly breathe. After I was bled I fell into a swoon; the Doctor then said, if he lives till one o'Clock it will be a wonder. Some-body went to fetch a Catholic Minister[23], who lived in the same Town; when he saw me, he told me to recommend my soul to GOD, saying, that I had but a few minutes to live: and after this short exhortation he went out of the room, saying, it was too much for him to see. [22] I have sinned: what shall I do unto thee, O thou preserver of men? why hast thou set me as a mark against thee, so that I am a burden to myself. Job, chap. 7. ver. 20. [23] I did not know for what purpose they went for him; but I supposed it was to administer unto me the Extreme-Unction; for as it is reported among the Roman Catholic that a man or woman dying without having received the Extreme-Unction, (_which they call a Sacrament_,) must either go to Hell, or in Purgatory. I was restless all the night, for I could not sleep on account of the soreness of my wounds. When morning came I was so weak and so feverish, that the Doctor thought I could not live to see the sun set. Night came, and yet alive: but I was so tormented with ideas as before mentioned, that I durst not shut my eyes for fear I should awake in Hell. I was three nights without taking the least rest; for I was afraid to fall asleep, as I made it a sure thing in my mind, that if I fell asleep, I should awake no more. I felt myself in such a miserable condition, that I thought GOD would never forgive me. All the time I was in bed, I lay upon thorns as it were; for I was so filled with grief and sorrow, occasioned by my misbehaviour towards the everlasting being, that my life was quite miserable.