Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
In such fashion, then, I emerged into my twelfth year; and, albeit
with considerable misgivings, my father arranged at last for my entry
into a high-class school in the neighbourhood. Known as Hopkinson
House School for the Sons of Gentlemen, it was conveniently situated
in Jasmine Grove on the southern outskirts of Camberwell, and included
features in its dignified exterior of almost every type of
architecture. Approached by a semi-circular gravel drive with gates of
entry and exit, it was flanked on both sides, and isolated in the
rear, by an asphalt recreation-ground. Above the front steps, two
chocolate-coloured pillars supported a classical portico, and the
windows of the first-floor rooms were surmounted with characteristic
Gothic mouldings. The windows of the first, second and third storeys
were of a simpler Georgian pattern, but the roof was uplifted, at its
anterior corners, into castellated Norman turrets. Midway between
these, an Elizabethan gable formed a pleasing contrast, and the two
chimney-stacks, each bearing a lightning-conductor, were decorated
with Moorish relief work.
Conducted by a Mr. Septimus Lorton, the successor to Mr. Hopkinson, the
founder of the school, it was daily attended by some seventy or eighty
of the sons of the Peckham and Camberwell gentry. Concerning Mr. Lorton
I shall have more to say presently, but just about a week before what
was to have been my first term, a tender but inscrutable Providence once
again intervened. The agent of this new affliction was a parasite
commonly known, I understand, as the ring-worm, and within a brief
period it had established upon my head no less than four separate
colonies. That being the case, not only was my school-life yet a second
time postponed, but I was obliged to render up, under medical orders,
and that the extent of the malady might be the more easily discernible,
the greater proportion of my abundant and not unattractive chestnut
hair. To the first of these consequences I was reconciled with no great
difficulty, but to the second, I must confess, resignation was not so
easy; and for night after night my pillow was moistened with tears
scarcely restrained during the day. But worse was to follow. For upon
the appearance of a fifth and even more intractable settlement, the
doctor in charge of the case took the opportunity of prescribing a
wholly unjustifiable ointment. That it slew the parasites was
undoubtedly true. But such were the ravages of this violent medicament
that, to an accompaniment of the acutest distress, the whole of my hair
disappeared.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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