The most important thing he dictated that morning was the fortnightly
form-letter, to be mimeographed and sent out to a thousand “prospects.”
It was diligently imitative of the best literary models of the day; of
heart-to-heart-talk advertisements, “sales-pulling” letters, discourses
on the “development of Will-power,” and hand-shaking house-organs, as
richly poured forth by the new school of Poets of Business. He had
painfully written out a first draft, and he intoned it now like a poet
delicate and distrait:
SAY, OLD MAN!
I just want to know can I do you a whaleuva favor? Honest! No
kidding! I know you’re interested in getting a house, not merely a
place where you hang up the old bonnet but a love-nest for the wife
and kiddies--and maybe for the flivver out beyant (be sure and
spell that b-e-y-a-n-t, Miss McGoun) the spud garden. Say, did you
ever stop to think that we’re here to save you trouble? That’s how
we make a living--folks don’t pay us for our lovely beauty! Now
take a look:
Sit right down at the handsome carved mahogany escritoire and shoot
us in a line telling us just what you want, and if we can find it
we’ll come hopping down your lane with the good tidings, and if we
can’t, we won’t bother you. To save your time, just fill out the
blank enclosed. On request will also send blank regarding store
properties in Floral Heights, Silver Grove, Linton, Bellevue, and
all East Side residential districts.
Yours for service,
P.S.--Just a hint of some plums we can pick for you--some genuine
bargains that came in to-day:
SILVER GROVE.--Cute four-room California bungalow, a.m.i., garage,
dandy shade tree, swell neighborhood, handy car line. $3700, $780
down and balance liberal, Babbitt-Thompson terms, cheaper than
rent.
DORCHESTER.--A corker! Artistic two-family house, all oak trim,
parquet floors, lovely gas log, big porches, colonial, HEATED
ALL-WEATHER GARAGE, a bargain at $11,250.
Dictation over, with its need of sitting and thinking instead of
bustling around and making a noise and really doing something, Babbitt
sat creakily back in his revolving desk-chair and beamed on Miss McGoun.
He was conscious of her as a girl, of black bobbed hair against demure
cheeks. A longing which was indistinguishable from loneliness enfeebled
him. While she waited, tapping a long, precise pencil-point on the
desk-tablet, he half identified her with the fairy girl of his dreams.
He imagined their eyes meeting with terrifying recognition; imagined
touching her lips with frightened reverence and-- She was chirping, “Any
more, Mist’ Babbitt?” He grunted, “That winds it up, I guess,” and
turned heavily away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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