American fiction -- 20th century; Bohemianism -- Fiction
It was his habit to think only in metaphors and similes, and in this
way he evaded the realities that would otherwise have crushed him. He
walked down the street, practicing an emotion of stolid submission, and
this surface humility played pranks with his blonde-topped head and
made his thin lips loosely unrelated to the rest of his face. As he
strode through the business district of the city, with its sun-steeped
frenzies of men and vehicles, the scene pressed upon him and yet was
remote at the same time. It was as though he were studying a feverishly
capering unreality and vainly striving to persuade himself that he
formed a significant part of it.
The unrelenting roar of automobiles, wagons and cars became the
laughable and inarticulate attempt of a dream to convince him that it
held a power over his mind and body. Men and women darted past him
with a rapidity that made them appear to be the mere figments of a
magic trick. Here he caught the thick tension of lips, and there the
abstracted flash of eyes, but they were gone before he could believe
that they had interfered with his vision. He paused beside a dark
green news-stand squeezed under the iron slant of an elevated-railroad
stairway and strove to pin the scene to his mind and fix his relation
to the people who were jesting with his eyes. Young and old, dressed
in complications of timidly colored cloth, each seemed to be running
an exquisitely senseless race in the effort to gain a nonsensical foot
on the other person. The masked rush of their bodies deprived them of
a divided sexual appearance and lure--men and women, touching elbows
without emotion, were swept into one lustreless sex which darted in
pursuit of a treacherously invisible reward. The entire structure
around them--buildings, signs, and iron slabs--stood like a house of
cards carefully supported by an essence that rose from the rushing
people, and Carl felt that if these men and women were to become silent
and motionless, in unison, the house of cards would instantly lose its
meaning and tumble down.
“What are they gliding and stumbling toward?” he asked himself--the
old, poignantly futile first question of youth. “Each man, with an
ingenious treason, is trying to forget his inability at self-expression
and soiling the void with an increasing burden that will prevent
him from complaining too much. At some time in their lives all of
these people felt, dimly or strongly, for a moment or for years, the
ludicrous ache of a desire to stand out clearly against their scene,
but the loaded momentum of past lives--the choked influence of past
futilities--pushed them along with a force which they could not
withstand. It is really a stream of adroitly dead men and women that
is fleeing down this street--surreptitiously dead people living in the
bodies of a present reality and perpetuating the defeated essence of
their past lives.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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