=Dear Bilious Billy=--What would you write about if the country went wet again and you didn’t have the dry reformers to poke fun at and kid about?--=Reginald Pewter.= We cannot tell a lie--we wouldn’t be able to write during the first few weeks. * * * * * =Dear Whiz Bang=--My husband, a returned soldier, did not get home until 3 o’clock this morning. He said he was at the Fort all night playing golf. Do soldiers play golf in the middle of the night?--=Worried War Bride.= Yes, Worried Wifie, they do. One of the favorite sports of the naughty doughboy is the game known as African golf. Two galloping dominoes are used in place of a small ball. Instead of the greens, the latrine floor is usually garnished with greenbacks and set off in silver. “Big Dick” and “Little Joe” act as caddies and there is more cussing at a “flock of box cars” than a minister foozling a putt. I indulged in a friendly game of dancing dominoes last night with my old buddy, Mr. “Eighter from Decatur.” “Jimmy Hicks” and “Long Legged Liz” were there, but before I got through I had “fever in the South” and “crapped” out several points under par. * * * * * =Dear Captain Bill=--Please tell me what is golf?--=Ignoramus.= Well, Ig., golf is a game where old men chase little balls around when they are too old to chase anything else. * * * * * =Dearest Billy=--What’s the difference between a bachelor and a worm?--=Andy Gump.= Somebody told me there was no difference--the chickens get them both. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=--I have been married a year and am the mother of triplets who are now three months old. My husband has asked me to take dancing lessons this winter because he says he cannot afford to have any more children and that dancing will keep one’s mind off maternal cares. What do you think about it?--=Triple Trixy.= Dancing’s all right, Trixy, providing you tango in the morning, fox trot in the afternoon and hesitate at night. Fine exercise, I say. * * * * * =Dear Captain Bill=--I am struggling with myself to keep from falling in love with a handsome football player because I heard that football players were so terribly rough.--=Troubled Tillie.= Move to the South Sea islands where it’s too hot to play football, or else to Norway where the summer sport is fishing and in winter it’s too cold to fish. * * * * * =Dear William=--I recently met a cute little second lieutenant on the train and am very anxious to get in touch with him. He said his name was Joe Latrino and that he was in the Sanitary Corps. How may I find him?--=Winsome Winnifred.= Write to him in care of the Captain of the Head, U. S. Navy. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=--What is the difference between Spanish Flu and Spanish Fly?--=Swede Harriet.=