Arabella: “Children are such an expense nowadays, I don’t see why you have so many.” Mrs. Murphy: “Well, you know there are moments in the lives of all great men when they don’t care a darn for expenses.” * * * * * Born in Kentucky, Raised in Tennessee, Won’t somebody come And shimmie with me. --Shakesbeer. * * * * * Youngblood, arrested in St. Paul, on trial: Police Judge--“Who brought you here?” Youngblood--“Two policemen.” Judge--“Drunk, I suppose?” Y. B.--“Yes, both of them.” * * * * * Father said: “My boy, when I was your age down on the farm, I retired with the chickens.” Son replied: “That’s nothing, dad, so do I.” * * * * * She may be a moonshiner’s daughter, but I love her “still.” * * * * * Oh, my daddy’s in the back yard A-sawing a log; Baby’s in the cradle A-walking the dawg, Oh! Honey, how long must I wait Shall I get you now Or must I hesitate? * * * * * Say a kind word for Patrick O’Toole He borrowed a feather to tickle a mule. * * * * * Here’s to the girl with the high-heeled shoes Who eats my lobsters and drinks my booze And taxies home to mother to snooze. I’ll marry her yet. * * * * * Too Obvious Sunday School Teacher--Which bird did Noah send out of the Ark to find out what the weather was like? Small Girl--Please, teacher, a weather-cock. * * * * * Foolish Rimes There was a young lady from France Who got on the train by chance, Along came her sister Who immediately kissed her, And the “brakie” went off in a trance. * * * * * It is never too hot to dance, if you are that young. _Limericks_ A beautiful queen named Miss Aster, Wore a bathing suit, tight as a plaster; She sneezed a big sneeze And felt a cool breeze, And knew she had met with disaster. * * * * * There was an old fellow named Fife, Who had a most wonderful wife, But he went to the “Follies” And winked at the dollies, And now she is off him for life. * * * * * There was a young lady from Natchez, Who fell in some nettleweed patches, With a heart full of gloom She sits in her room And scratches and scratches and scratches. * * * * * A giddy old maid, Miss O’Hare, Caught a man in her room unaware, “Come from under that bed,” She emphatically said, “And escape from this room if you dare!” * * * * *