All men are not homeless, but some are home less than others. * * * * * Man is often blind to virtue, but never to beauty. * * * * * The frail young thing who is too tired to run an errand for mother can wear out the huskiest man on the dance floor. * * * * * Goosey, Goosey Gander The Smiths heard Liza Gander, their maid, in the bathroom laughing and giggling for nearly an hour. “What’s so funny, Liza?” asked Mrs. Smith, knocking on the bathroom door. “Lawsa me,” replied Liza between giggles. “Ize so nervous, ah caint dry mesself.” * * * * * Discounting a Discount A real estate agent was offered fifty dollars, less two and a half percent discount for cash, for an option on a piece of property. Being a poor mathematician and wishing to conceal his ignorance of arithmetic from his customer, he excused himself for a minute and sought his new stenographer. “Good morning, Miss Brown,” he said in his most expansive smile. “Delightful weather we’re having, ain’t it? Now, tell me, if I were to give you fifty dollars, less two and a half percent discount for cash, how much would you take off?” Instead of figuring it out, the young lady promptly put on her hat and coat and went home, saying she had been insulted. Darned if we can see what there was to get insulted over. If she couldn’t figure it out, why didn’t she say so and let it go at that. * * * * * A Pullman porter has just compiled a book on Berth Control. * * * * * Too Much Smell Mandy was gazing upon the shop window display of toilet water hungrily. “Come on ’way from dar, Mandy,” said Rastus warily, “or yo all will be tempted to buy some.” “Rastus, Ah’s gwine to buy a bottle ob dat toilet water.” “Ah, c’mon ’way, Mandy. Yo’ all smell like a toilet watah already.” * * * * * A Carman’s Love Code When a woman is sulky and will not speak—EXITER. If she gets too excited—CONTROLLER. If she talks too much—INTERRUPTER. If her ideas and yours do not coincide—CONVERTER. If she is willing to come half way—METER. If she comes all the way—RECEIVER. If she wants to go further—CONDUCTER. If she wants to go all the way—DISPATCHER. If she proves you did her wrong—COMPENSATER. If she goes up in the air—CONDENSER. If she wants chocolates—FEEDER. If she will permit you—KISSER. If she wants to dance—JAZZ WITH HER. * * * * * A New Proposal Half in earnest, half in joke, Tell me, maiden, ere I’m broke, Buying booze and lunch for thee, Tell, oh, tell the truth to me, Ere my cash is all turned loose, Sweetheart, is there any use? * * * * * Business Was Good A gob on a furlough telegraphed his ship commander as follows: