* * * * * ——What’ll it be, Gents, a lollypop or a nut sundae? * * * * * Try This On Your Hic-trola The old oaken hic bar rail; the brass hic bound bar rail; The foam hic spattered bar rail that hic hung by the bar; Hic— * * * * * Our Monthly Maxim _Late in bed, early to rise, makes dark rings beneath the eyes._ * * * * * Now that Luther Reed has written a villainless play, the husband must be guilty of a bum cellar or something like that. * * * * * A New Version _Here’s to the short skirt and the street car steps. May they never meet._ * * * * * The old fashioned woman who used to take her troubles to the Lord, has a daughter who now takes them to a lawyer. * * * * * If at first some men don’t succeed they fail, and fail again. * * * * * A fat man has another advantage over his thin brethren—he knows exactly where his cigar ashes are going to land. * * * * * Moonology The wife of a man named Moon presented him with a fine boy. This was a new moon. The father celebrated the event by drinking himself full of hootch. This was a full moon. When he awoke from his stupor all he had left in his pocket was twenty-five cents. This was the last quarter. His mother-in-law took this and rapped him over the head with a club. This was the total eclipse. * * * * * Impossible It can’t be done. What? Shave the hair off a gnat’s back with a monkey wrench. * * * * * Sunburned The sun was hot upon the beach Her suit was little sister’s. She thought she had a good time, but All is not bliss that blisters. * * * * * Ah Ha! Ah! He—I suppose it would be quite improper for me to kiss you on such a short acquaintance. She—Yes, but it’s quite early in the evening yet. _Classified Ads_ How Come? (From Cedar Rapids Gazette) Found—Lady’s lingerie and stockings with auto cushion in pasture on Oak Blvd., two miles south Vernon road near the Morgan farm called “Buenos Aires.” * * * * * Need a Steno? (Tucson, Ariz., Star) Competent stenographer without local references excepting polkadot reputation, wants job. Masons and Christians need not answer. Phone 1009-M. * * * * * No Restrictions For Rent—8-room house. Family of 6 or 7 wild children. Mrs. Minnie Zenft.—From Oelwein (Ia.) Register. * * * * * Take Your Turn, Boys (From Times Herald, Dallas, Tex.) A lady presser, experienced preferred. Brannon’s Cleaning Co. * * * * * Here’s Another (From Kansas City Star)