Hiawatha skinned the squirrel, Just sat down and went and skinned it; Went and skinned it to a finish, From its skin he made some mittens. Made them with the outside inside, Made them with the inside outside, Made them with the fur side inside, Made them with the skin side outside, Made them with the warm side inside, Made them with the cold side outside. Had he placed the fur side outside, Had he placed the skin side inside, Had he placed the outside inside, And the inside inside Then the warm side would have been outside, And the cold side inside, So to get the fur side, warm side inside, Placed the skin side, inside, outside. Now you know why Hiawatha placed the outside, fur side, warm side, inside, and the inside, skin side, cold side, outside. * * * * * For when the One Great Scorer comes to write against your name He writes not that you won or lost, but how you played the game. * * * * * “They don’t look natural,” said the man, as he rolled two threes. * * * * * How Kum? Tom—“Where have you been for the last three hours?” Bill—“In the saloon talking to the bartender.” Tom—“What did he say?” Bill—“No.” * * * * * Quick, Gents! _At sixteen, risque,_ _Likes a naughty joke;_ _At seventeen, blase,_ _Tries to learn to smoke;_ _At eighteen, mildish,_ _Jolly just the same;_ _At nineteen, childish,_ _Getting rather tame;_ _At twenty, breezy,_ _Merely debonair;_ _At twenty-one, uneasy;_ _So re-bobs her hair;_ _But when she reaches twenty-two_ _Her rush turns to a shove,_ _For then her motto has become:_ _Love and let love._ * * * * * Wanted: Man with ugly face to frighten children that play in my yard. * * * * * He Calls This “Poetry” He’s got a swell noodle, Our friend Ted, He wears an eight and a half hat, For a six and a half head. * * * * * Dusting Off the Old Ones Man went into German butcher shop and asked price of pork chops. To the reply of 30 cents a pound, he remonstrated that the butcher across the street asked only 20 cents. “Why don’t you buy them there, then?” asked the German. “I would, but he’s out,” said the customer. “Oh, vell, ven I’m oud, I sell ’em for only 10 sends a pound.” * * * * * Eh, Maggie? Here lie the bones of Peter Blunt Down in this mothering nook. Alas, he was too small a runt To argue with a cook. * * * * * Warm Stuff “My wife made it hot for me this morning.” “How was that?” “I insisted on her getting up to build the fire.” * * * * * My Advice