“How do you get along here?” inquired the inspector. “Very well,” was the reply. “Only the man in the farthest corner keeps boarders.” * * * * * Some kind-hearted man of money moves the motion that Manhattan’s mackerel munching macaroons be deported to Waikiki Beach to indulge in the popular Hawaiian pastime of poi-eating. * * * * * Another Nut Story “Mine is a sad case, Lady,” said the solemn visaged inmate of the asylum to the visitor. “My parents fed me Gripe nuts; made me sleep up in the garret among the rats, in a ‘buggy’ bed and beneath a crazy quilt. My only pet was a squirrel, and my only toys, the wheels from a cuckoo clock.” And striking a Napoleonic attitude, he strode out in search of Josephine. * * * * * Oh, Doc Crafts! Some people are so dry that talking to them is like chewing a blotter. * * * * * This Ain’t Very Hot The Meanest Man bought his bride a nickel’s worth of candy as a wedding present, then took her on a trolley ride honeymoon. After they got off the car he said, “Let’s save some of that candy for the children.” * * * * * Lampoon’s Stuff He got on at Park and sat in the last car. She got on at Park and sat in the last car. When he went over the bridge he smiled. She laughed aloud. At Kendall she crossed her legs. He crossed his fingers. At Central he had her phone number. She had his watch. When they reached Harvard he offered to take her home. He kissed on the front porch. Then he went back to Ridgely Annex and cut one more notch in his shoe trees. “I guess it’s my personality,” he thought as he tumbled into bed. “I guess it’s my smile,” she thought as she tumbled into bed. * * * * * Fido, Quit Your Pekin “Marie is so modest she puts her pet dog out of the room while she is changing her gown!” “The idea!” “Well—it’s a Pekingese.” * * * * * There are two classes of people: those who sit and think, and those who sit. * * * * * The Crap Shooter’s Wedding Preacher—Rastus, do yo’ take dis here woman for better or for worse? Rastus (from habit)—Pahson, Ah shoots de works! * * * * * The Program I pressed thy round, full mouth to mine own In ecstacy. I drew the fragrant perfume of thee Into me. My trembling hand about thy slender neck. With a curse: for I knew That thou wast empty, little pint bottle. * * * * * Knockem On the Kiss _He—Do you like indoor sports?_ _She—Yes, if they go home early._ * * * * *