Her first intention had been to go back to her own town after her
graduation, and begin the practice of her profession among those who
had always known her, and whose scrutiny and criticism would be hardest
to bear, and therefore, as she fancied, the most useful to her in the
formation of character. But afterwards she relinquished her purpose in
favor of a design which she thought would be more useful to others: she
planned going to one of the great factory towns, and beginning practice
there, in company with an older physician, among the children of the
operatives. Pending the completion of this arrangement, which was
waiting upon the decision of the other lady, she had come to Jocelyn’s
with her mother, and with Mrs. Maynard, who had arrived from the West,
aimlessly sick and unfriended, just as they were about leaving home.
There was no resource but to invite her with them, and Dr. Breen was
finding her first patient in this unexpected guest. She did not wholly
regret the accident; this, too, was useful work, though not that she
would have chosen; but her mother, after a fortnight, openly repined,
and could not mention Mrs. Maynard without some rebellious murmur. She
was an old lady, who had once kept a very vigilant conscience for
herself; but after making her life unhappy with it for some threescore
years, she now applied it entirely to the exasperation and condemnation
of others. She especially devoted it to fretting a New England girl’s
naturally morbid sense of duty in her daughter, and keeping it in the
irritation of perpetual self-question. She had never actively opposed
her studying medicine; that ambition had harmonized very well with
certain radical tendencies of her own, and it was at least not
marriage, which she had found tolerable only in its modified form of
widowhood; but at every step after the decisive step was taken she was
beset with misgivings lest Grace was not fully alive to the grave
responsibilities of her office, which she accumulated upon the girl in
proportion as she flung off all responsibilities of her own. She was
doubtless deceived by that show of calm which sometimes deceived Grace
herself, who, in tutoring her soul to bear what it had to bear, mistook
her tense effort for spiritual repose, and scarcely realized through
her tingling nerves the strain she was undergoing. In spite of the
bitter experience of her life, she was still very ardent in her hopes
of usefulness, very scornful of distress or discomfort to herself, and
a little inclined to exact the heroism she was ready to show. She had a
child’s severe morality, and she had hardly learned to understand that
there is much evil in the world that does not characterize the
perpetrators: she held herself as strictly to account for every word
and deed as she held others, and she had an almost passionate desire to
meet the consequence of her errors; till that was felt, an intolerable
doom hung over her. She tried not to be impulsive; that was criminal in
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