England, My EnglandLawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
General
England, My England
Lawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Short stories, English
After the child was born, it was never quite the same between him and
Winifred. The difference was at first hardly perceptible. But it was
there. In the first place Winifred had a new centre of interest. She
was not going to adore her child. But she had what the modern mother so
often has in the place of spontaneous love: a profound sense of duty
towards her child. Winifred appreciated her darling little girl, and
felt a deep sense of duty towards her. Strange, that this sense of duty
should go deeper than the love for her husband. But so it was. And so
it often is. The responsibility of motherhood was the prime
responsibility in Winifred’s heart: the responsibility of wifehood came
a long way second.
Her child seemed to link her up again in a circuit with her own family.
Her father and mother, herself, and her child, that was the human
trinity for her. Her husband—? Yes, she loved him still. But that was
like play. She had an almost barbaric sense of duty and of family. Till
she married, her first human duty had been towards her father: he was
the pillar, the source of life, the everlasting support. Now another
link was added to the chain of duty: her father, herself, and her
child.
Egbert was out of it. Without anything happening, he was gradually,
unconsciously excluded from the circle. His wife still loved him,
physically. But, but—he was _almost_ the unnecessary party in the
affair. He could not complain of Winifred. She still did her duty
towards him. She still had a physical passion for him, that physical
passion on which he had put all his life and soul. But—but—
It was for a long while an ever-recurring _but_. And then, after the
second child, another blonde, winsome touching little thing, not so
proud and flame-like as Joyce; after Annabel came, then Egbert began
truly to realise how it was. His wife still loved him. But—and now the
but had grown enormous—her physical love for him was of secondary
importance to her. It became ever less important. After all, she had
had it, this physical passion, for two years now. It was not this that
one lived from. No, no—something sterner, realer.
She began to resent her own passion for Egbert—just a little she began
to despise it. For after all there he was, he was charming, he was
lovable, he was terribly desirable. But—but—oh, the awful looming cloud
of that _but!_—He did not stand firm in the landscape of her life like
a tower of strength, like a great pillar of significance. No, he was
like a cat one has about the house, which will one day disappear and
leave no trace. He was like a flower in the garden, trembling in the
wind of life, and then gone, leaving nothing to show. As an adjunct, as
an accessory, he was perfect. Many a woman would have adored to have
him about her all her life, the most beautiful and desirable of all her
possessions. But Winifred belonged to another school.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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