Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
_At the sound of the closing of the door_, _Fanny looks up_. _She goes
to the door through which Vernon has just passed_, _listens a moment_,
_then returns_. _Bennet calmly finishes the drawing of the curtains_.
_Then he_, _too_, _crosses slowly till he and Fanny are facing one
another across the centre of the room_.
FANNY. Well, what are you going to do?
BENNET. My duty!
FANNY. What’s that? Something unpleasant, I know. I can bet my bottom
dollar.
BENNET. That, my girl, will depend upon you.
FANNY. How upon me?
BENNET. Whether you prove an easy or a difficult subject. To fit you
for your position, a certain amount of training will, I fancy, be
necessary.
FANNY. Training! I’m to be—[_She draws herself up_.] Are you aware who
I am?
BENNET. Oh yes. _And_ who you were. His lordship, I take it, would
hardly relish the discovery that he had married his butler’s niece. He
might consider the situation awkward.
FANNY. And who’s going to train me?
BENNET. I am. With the assistance of your aunt and such other members
of your family as I consider can be trusted.
FANNY [_for a moment she is speechless_, _then she bursts out_]. That
ends it! I shall tell him! I shall tell him this very moment. [_She
sweeps towards the door_.]
BENNET. At this moment you will most likely find his lordship in his
bath.
FANNY. I don’t care! Do you think—do you think for a moment that I’m
going to allow myself—I, Lady Bantock, to be—[_Her hand upon the door_.]
I shall tell him, and you’ll only have yourself to blame. He loves me.
He loves me for myself. I shall tell him the whole truth, and ask him to
give you all the sack.
BENNET. You’re not forgetting that you’ve already told him _once_ who
you were?
[_It stops her_. _What she really did was to leave the marriage
arrangements in the hands of her business manager_, _George P. Newte_.
_As agent for a music-hall star_, _he is ideal_, _but it is possible that
in answering Lord Bantock’s inquiries concerning Fanny’s antecedents he
may not have kept strictly to the truth_.]
FANNY. I never did. I’ve never told him anything about my family.
BENNET. Curious. I was given to understand it was rather a classy
affair.
FANNY. I can’t help what other people may have done. Because some silly
idiot of a man may possibly—[_She will try a new tack_. _She leaves the
door and comes to him_.] Uncle, dear, wouldn’t it be simpler for you all
to go away? He’s awfully fond of me. He’ll do anything I ask him. I
could merely say that I didn’t like you and get him to pension you off.
You and aunt could have a little roadside inn somewhere—with ivy.
BENNET. Seeing that together with the stables and the garden there are
twenty-three of us—
FANNY. No, of course, he couldn’t pension you all. You couldn’t expect—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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