Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
BENNET. I think his lordship might prefer to leave things as they are.
Good servants nowadays are not so easily replaced. And neither your aunt
nor I are at an age when change appeals to one.
FANNY. You see, it’s almost bound to creep out sooner or later, and
then—
BENNET. We will make it as late as possible [_He crosses and rings the
bell_], giving you time to prove to his lordship that you are not
incapable of learning.
FANNY [_she drops back on the settee_. _She is half-crying_.] Some
people would be pleased that their niece had married well.
BENNET. I am old-fashioned enough to think also of my duty to those I
serve. If his lordship has done me the honour to marry my niece, the
least I can is to see to it that she brings no discredit to his name.
[_Mrs. Bennet_, _followed by Jane Bennet_, _a severe-looking woman of
middle age_, _has entered upon the words_ “_the least I can do_.”
_Bennet stays them a moment with his hand while he finishes_. _Then he
turns to his wife_.] You will be interested to find, Susannah, that the
new Lady Bantock is not a stranger.
MRS. BENNET. Not a stranger! [_She has reached a position from where
she sees the girl_.] Fanny! You wicked girl! Where have you been all
these years?
BENNET [_interposing_]. There will be other opportunities for the
discussion of family differences. Just now, her ladyship is waiting to
dress for dinner.
MRS. BENNET [_sneering_]. Her ladyship!
JANE [_also sneering_]. I think she might have forewarned us of the
honour in store for us.
MRS. BENNET. Yes, why didn’t she write?
FANNY. Because I didn’t know. Do you think—[_she rises_]—that if I had
I would ever have married him—to be brought back here and put in this
ridiculous position? Do you think that I am so fond of you all that I
couldn’t keep away from you, at any price?
MRS. BENNET. But you must have known that Lord Bantock—
FANNY. I didn’t know he was Lord Bantock. I only knew him as Mr.
Wetherell, an artist. He wanted to feel sure that I was marrying him for
himself alone. He never told me—[_Ernest Bennet_, _a very young
footman_, _has entered in answer to Bennet’s ring of a minute ago_. _He
has come forward step by step_, _staring all the while open-mouthed at
Fanny_. _Turning_, _she sees him beside her_.] Hulloa, Ernie. How are
the rabbits? [_She kisses him_.]
BENNET. Don’t stand there gaping. I rang for some wood. Tell your
brother dinner will be at a quarter to eight.
_Ernest_, _never speaking_, _still staring at Fanny_, _gets clumsily out
again_.
FANNY. Well, I suppose I’d better see about dressing? Do I dine with
his lordship or in the servants’ hall?
MRS. BENNET [_turns to her husband_]. You see! Still the old
impertinence.
FANNY. Only wanted to know. My only desire is to give satisfaction.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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