Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
BENNET [_he moves towards the door_]. You will do it by treating the
matter more seriously. At dinner, by keeping your eye upon me, you will
be able to tell whether you are behaving yourself or not.
MRS. BENNET. And mind you are punctual. I have appointed Jane to be
your maid.
FANNY. Jane!
MRS. BENNET [_in arms_]. Have you any objections?
FANNY. No, oh no, so long as you’re all satisfied.
MRS. BENNET. Remember, you are no longer on the music-hall stage. In
dressing for Bantock Hall you will do well to follow her advice.
_Bennet_, _who has been waiting with the door in his hand_, _goes out_;
_Mrs. Bennet follows_.
JANE [_in the tones of a patient executioner_]. Are you ready?
FANNY. Quite ready, dear. Of course—I don’t know what you will think of
them—but I’ve only brought modern costumes with me.
JANE [_not a lady who understands satire_]. We must do the best we can.
[_She marches out—into the dressing-room_.]
_Fanny_, _after following a few steps_, _stops and thinks_. _Ernest has
entered with the wood_. _He is piling it in the basket by the fire_.
_His entrance decides her_. _She glances through the open door of the
dressing-room_, _then flies across to the desk_, _seats herself_, _and
begins feverishly to write a telegram_.
FANNY. Ernie! [_He comes across to her_.] Have you still got your
bicycle?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. Could you get this telegram off for me before eight o’clock? I
don’t want it sent from the village; I want you to take it
_yourself_—into the town. There’s a sovereign for you if you do it all
right.
ERNEST. I’ll do it. Can only get into a row.
FANNY. Pretty used to them, ain’t you? [_She has risen_. _She gives
him the telegram_. _She has stamped it_.] Can you read it?
ERNEST. “George P. Newte.”
FANNY. Hush!
_They both glance at the open door_.
ERNEST [_he continues in a lower voice_]. “72A, Waterloo Bridge Road,
London. Must see you at once. Am at the new shop.” [_He looks up_.]
FANNY. That’s all right.
ERNEST. “Come down. Q.T. Fanny.”
FANNY [_nods_]. Get off quietly. I’ll see you again—
THE VOICE OF JANE [_from the dressing-room_]. Are you going to keep me
waiting all night?
[_They start_. _Ernest hastily thrusts the telegram into his
breast-pocket_.]
FANNY. Coming, dear, coming. [_To Ernest_] Not a word to anyone!
[_She hurries him out and closes door behind him_.] Merely been putting
the room a bit tidy. [_She is flying round collecting her outdoor
garments_.] Thought it would please you. So sorry if I’ve kept you
waiting. [_Jane has appeared at door_.] After you, dear.
_Jane goes out again_. _Fanny_, _with her pile of luggage_, _follows_.
[CURTAIN]
_ACT II_
_SCENE_
_The same_.
_Time_.—_The next morning_.
_The door opens_. _Dr. Freemantle enters_, _shown in by Bennet_, _who
follows him_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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