Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
DR. FREEMANTLE [_more and more puzzled_]. Yes—oh, yes. They have always
been—[_His eye catches that of Constance_, _first Lady Bantock_, _looking
down at him from above the chimney-piece_. _His tone changes_.] Well,
yes, in their way, you know.
FANNY. You see, I’m in the difficult position of following her _late_
ladyship. _She_ appears to have been exceptionally “seemly.” This is
her frock. I mean it _was_ her frock.
DR. FREEMANTLE. God bless my soul! You are not dressing yourself up in
her late ladyship’s clothes? The dear good woman has been dead and
buried these twenty years.
FANNY [_she looks at her dress_]. Yes, it struck me as being about that
period.
DR. FREEMANTLE [_he goes across to her_]. What’s the trouble? Too much
Bennet?
FANNY [_she looks up_. _There is a suspicion of a smile_]. One might
say—sufficient?
DR. FREEMANTLE [_laughs_]. Excellent servants. If they’d only remember
it. [_He glances round—sinks his voice_.] Take my advice. Put your
foot down—before it’s too late.
FANNY. Sit down, please. [_She makes room for him on the settee_.]
Because I’m going to be confidential. You don’t mind, do you?
DR. FREEMANTLE [_seating himself_]. My dear, I take it as the greatest
compliment I have had paid to me for years.
FANNY. You put everything so nicely. I’m two persons. I’m an
angel—perhaps that is too strong a word?
DR. FREEMANTLE [_doubtfully_]. Well—
FANNY. We’ll say saint. Or else I’m—the other thing.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Do you know, I think you could be.
FANNY. It’s not a question about which there is any doubt.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Of course, in this case, a _little_ bit of the devil—
FANNY [_she shakes her head_]. There’s such a lot of mine. It has
always hampered me, never being able to hit the happy medium.
DR. FREEMANTLE. It _is_ awkward.
FANNY. I thought I would go on being an angel—
DR. FREEMANTLE. Saint.
FANNY. Saint—till—well, till it became physically impossible to be a
saint any longer.
DR. FREEMANTLE. And then?
FANNY [_she rises_, _turns to him with a gesture of half-comic_,
_half-tragic despair_]. Well, then I can’t help it, can I?
DR. FREEMANTLE. I think you’re making a mistake. An explosion will
undoubtedly have to take place. That being so, the sooner it takes place
the better. [_He rises_.] What are you afraid of?
FANNY [_she changes her tone—the talk becomes serious_]. You’ve known
Vernon all his life?
DR. FREEMANTLE. No one better.
FANNY. Tell me. I’ve known him only as a lover. What sort of a man is
he?
_A pause_. _They are looking straight into each other’s eyes_.
DR. FREEMANTLE. A man it pays to be perfectly frank with.
FANNY. It’s a very old family, isn’t it?
DR. FREEMANTLE. Old! Good Lord no! First Lord Bantock was only
Vernon’s great-grandfather. That is the woman that did it all. [_He is
looking at the Hoppner_.]
FANNY. How do you mean?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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