Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
DR. FREEMANTLE. Don’t get up. [_He shakes hands with them_.] How are
we this afternoon? [_He shakes his head and clicks his tongue_.]
Really, I think I shall have to bring an action for damages against Lady
Bantock. Ever since she—
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Hush! [_She points to the window_.] Fanny.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Here’s Doctor Freemantle.
_Fanny comes from the window_.
DR. FREEMANTLE [_he meets her and takes her hand_]. Was just saying, I
really think I shall have to claim damages against you, Lady Bantock.
You’ve practically deprived me of two of my best paying patients. Used
to be sending for me every other day before you came. Now look at them!
[_The two ladies laugh_.] She’s not as bad as we expected. [_He pats
her hand_.] Do you remember my description of what I thought she was
going to be like?
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. She’s a dear girl.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Bennet—
FANNY [_she has crossed to table—is pouring out the Doctor’s tea_]. Oh,
mightn’t we have a holiday from Bennet?
DR. FREEMANTLE [_laughs_]. Seems to be having a holiday himself to-day.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. A holiday?
DR. FREEMANTLE. Didn’t you know? Oh, there’s an awfully swagger party
on downstairs. They were all trooping in as I came.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I’d no idea he was giving a party. [_To
Fanny_] Did you, dear?
FANNY [_she hands the Doctor his tea_]. Yes. It’s a prayer meeting.
The whole family, I expect, has been summoned.
DR. FREEMANTLE. A prayer meeting! Didn’t look like it.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. But why should he be holding a prayer meeting?
FANNY. Oh, one of the family—
DR. FREEMANTLE. And why twelve girls in a van?
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. In a van?
DR. FREEMANTLE. One of Hutton’s from the Station Hotel—with a big poster
pinned on the door: “Our Empire.”
_Fanny has risen_. _She crosses and rings the bell_.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. What’s the matter, dear?
FANNY. I’m not quite sure yet. [_Her whole manner is changed_. _A look
has come into her eyes that has not been there before_. _She speaks in
quiet_, _determined tones_. _She rings again_. _Then returning to
table_, _hands the cake-basket to the Doctor_.] Won’t you take one,
Doctor? They’re not as indigestible as they look. [_Laughs_.]
DR. FREEMANTLE [_he also is bewildered at the changed atmosphere_].
Thank you. I hope I—
FANNY [_she turns to Ernest_, _who has entered_. _Her tone_, _for the
first time_, _is that of a mistress speaking to her servants_]. Have any
visitors called for me this afternoon?
ERNEST. Vi-visitors—?
FANNY. Some ladies.
ERNEST [_he is in a slough of doubt and terror_]. L—ladies?
FANNY. Yes. Please try to understand the English language. Has a party
of ladies called here this afternoon?
ERNEST. There have been some ladies. They—we—
FANNY. Where are they?
ERNEST. They—I—
FANNY. Send Bennet up to me. Instantly, please.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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