I thank you, Albert, for having deceived me. I waited for the news that
your wedding-day was fixed; and I intended on that day, with solemnity,
to take down Charlotte's profile from the walls, and to bury it with
some other papers I possess. You are now united, and her picture still
remains here. Well, let it remain! Why should it not? I know that
I am still one of your society, that I still occupy a place uninjured
in Charlotte's heart, that I hold the second place therein; and I
intend to keep it. Oh, I should become mad if she could forget!
Albert, that thought is hell! Farewell, Albert,--farewell, angel of
heaven,--farewell, Charlotte!
March 15.
I have just had a sad adventure, which will drive me away from here. I
lose all patience! Death! It is not to be remedied; and you alone are
to blame, for you urged and impelled me to fill a post for which I was
by no means suited. I have now reason to be satisfied, and so have you!
But, that you may not again attribute this fatality to my impetuous
temper, I send you, my dear sir, a plain and simple narration of the
affair, as a mere chronicler of facts would describe it.
The Count of O---- likes and distinguishes me. It is well known, and I
have mentioned this to you a hundred times. Yesterday I dined with him.
It is the day on which the nobility are accustomed to assemble at his
house in the evening. I never once thought of the assembly, nor that we
subalterns did not belong to such society. Well, I dined with the
count; and after dinner we adjourned to the large hall. We walked up
and down together; and I conversed with him, and with Colonel B----,
who joined us; and in this manner the hour for the assembly approached.
God knows, I was thinking of nothing, when who should enter but the
honourable Lady S----, accompanied by her noble husband and their
silly, scheming daughter, with her small waist and flat neck; and, with
disdainful looks and a haughty air, they passed me by. As I heartily
detest the whole race, I determined upon going away; and only waited
till the count had disengaged himself from their impertinent prattle,
to take leave, when the agreeable Miss B---- came in. As I never meet
her without experiencing a heartfelt pleasure, I stayed and talked to
her, leaning over the back of her chair, and did not perceive, till
after some time, that she seemed a little confused, and ceased to
answer me with her usual ease of manner. I was struck with it.
"Heavens!" I said to myself, "can she, too, be like the rest?" I felt
annoyed, and was about to withdraw; but I remained, notwithstanding,
forming excuses for her conduct fancying she did not mean it, and still
hoping to receive some friendly recognition. The rest of the company
now arrived. There was the Baron F----, in an entire suit that dated
from the coronation of Francis I.; the Chancellor N----, with his deaf
wife; the shabbily dressed I----, whose old-fashioned coat bore
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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