evidence of modern repairs: this crowned the whole. I conversed with
some of my acquaintances, but they answered me laconically. I was
engaged in observing Miss B----, and did not notice that the women were
whispering at the end of the room, that the murmur extended by degrees
to the men, that Madame S---- addressed the count with much warmth
(this was all related to me subsequently by Miss B----); till at length
the count came up to me, and took me to the window. "You know our
ridiculous customs," he said. "I perceive the company is rather
displeased at your being here. I would not on any account"--"I beg your
excellency's pardon!" I exclaimed. "I ought to have thought of this
before, but I know you will forgive this little inattention. I was
going," I added, "some time ago, but my evil genius detained me." And I
smiled and bowed to take my leave. He shook me by the hand, in a manner
which expressed everything. I hastened at once from the illustrious
assembly, sprang into a carriage, and drove to M----. I contemplated
the setting sun from the top of the hill, and read that beautiful
passage in Homer where Ulysses is entertained by the hospitable
herdsmen. This was indeed delightful.
I returned home to supper in the evening. But few persons were
assembled in the room. They had turned up a corner of the tablecloth,
and were playing at dice. The good-natured A---- came in. He laid down
his hat when he saw me, approached me, and said in a low tone, "You
have met with a disagreeable adventure." "I!" I exclaimed. "The count
obliged you to withdraw from the assembly." "Deuce take the assembly!"
said I. "I was very glad to be gone." "I am delighted," he added, "that
you take it so lightly. I am only sorry that it is already so much
spoken of." The circumstance then began to pain me. I fancied that
every one who sat down, and even looked at me, was thinking of this
incident; and my heart became embittered.
And now I could plunge a dagger into my bosom when I hear myself
everywhere pitied, and observe the triumph of my enemies, who say that
this is always the case with vain persons, whose heads are turned with
conceit, who affect to despise forms and such petty, idle nonsense.
Say what you will of fortitude, but show me the man who can patiently
endure the laughter of fools, when they have obtained an advantage over
him. 'Tis only when their nonsense is without foundation that one can
suffer it without complaint.
March 16.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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