How happy I am that I am gone! My dear friend, what a thing is the
heart of man! To leave you, from whom I have been inseparable, whom I
love so dearly, and yet to feel happy! I know you will forgive me. Have
not other attachments been specially appointed by fate to torment a
head like mine? Poor Leonora! and yet I was not to blame. Was it my
fault, that, whilst the peculiar charms of her sister afforded me an
agreeable entertainment, a passion for me was engendered in her feeble
heart? And yet am I wholly blameless? Did I not encourage her emotions?
Did I not feel charmed at those truly genuine expressions of nature,
which, though but little mirthful in reality, so often amused us? Did I
not--but oh! what is man, that he dares so to accuse himself? My dear
friend, I promise you I will improve; I will no longer, as has ever
been my habit, continue to ruminate on every petty vexation which
fortune may dispense; I will enjoy the present, and the past shall be
for me the past. No doubt you are right, my best of friends, there
would be far less suffering amongst mankind, if men--and God knows why
they are so fashioned--did not employ their imaginations so assiduously
in recalling the memory of past sorrow, instead of bearing their
present lot with equanimity.
Be kind enough to inform my mother that I shall attend to her business
to the best of my ability, and shall give her the earliest information
about it. I have seen my aunt, and find that she is very far from being
the disagreeable person our friends allege her to be. She is a lively,
cheerful woman, with the best of hearts. I explained to her my mother's
wrongs with regard to that part of her portion which has been withheld
from her. She told me the motives and reasons of her own conduct, and
the terms on which she is willing to give up the whole, and to do more
than we have asked. In short, I cannot write further upon this subject
at present; only assure my mother that all will go on well. And I have
again observed, my dear friend, in this trifling affair, that
misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than
even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less
frequent occurrence.
In other respects I am very well off here. Solitude in this terrestrial
paradise is a genial balm to my mind, and the young spring cheers with
its bounteous promises my oftentimes misgiving heart. Every tree, every
bush, is full of flowers; and one might wish himself transformed into a
butterfly, to float about in this ocean of perfume, and find his whole
existence in it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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