Sepp:—“Oh my, yes! When you are not here the castle looks to us like an Alp without the cattle.” How to Secure Notoriety Stranger:—“Why don’t you put a railing along this dreadful abyss?” Guide:—“Well, you know the more strangers that fall down there, the more famous the abyss becomes!” Complimentary Captain (to ladies on a steamer):—“Ladies, please do not look so long at the compass, your magnetic eyes will spoil the course!” Running Water Summer boarder:—“You said you had running water in the yard, but I can see only a pump.” Farmer:—“You just pull a little and it runs!” A Scarcity of Something Traveler:—“Milk must be very scarce around here that you ask so much for it?” Hostess:—“The milk is not scarce at all, sir, but travelers are!” Ruin Enough Wife (at a watering place):—“Well, dear Emil, shall we stay here on the promenade or climb up to the ruin?” Husband:—“What should I climb up to the ruin for? To have to stay here four weeks is ruin enough for me!” Flooded A lady who had been to Italy for the first time was asked, after her return, how she liked Venice. “Oh, quite well,” she answered, “I was only unfortunate in finding the whole place flooded.” Marking the Spot She (in a railway carriage):—“Why, Albert, what are you doing there? You are cutting into the window sill!” He:—“I’m only marking the place where we had the most beautiful view.” A Drawback to Wealth “But mamma, why are we so afraid of a thunder-storm? The other people on the beach don’t seem to be frightened. No others are running home as we are!” “Why, child, those are poor people. They don’t draw the lightning as we do, who always have a lot of gold and silver about us.” Appreciative Tourist “Have you been away during vacation, Doctor?” “Yes, I was in Thüringen, gracious Frau, in Eisenach, and on the memorable Wartburg.” “On the Wartburg! Ah, I remember; isn’t that where they have the beautiful waiting-rooms?” Prays for All Poor Sinners “Where are you going, Rosel?” “To mass.” “Do you pray there for everybody, myself included?” “Oh yes, your Honor; I pray for all poor sinners.” What a Pity Owner of a villa:—“What do you think of these pine woods—this spicy odor! You have, perhaps, a consumptive in your family?” Gentleman:—“No, thank God!” Owner:—“What a pity!” The Altitude of the Depth Guide (descending with a party into a deep abyss):—“So, now around the corner, and a few hundred feet further down. Then we will have reached the altitude of the depth!” Couldn’t Hear the Waterfall Guide:—“When the ladies are through talking, your Honor will be able to hear the waterfall over there!” Beautiful Sunsets Stranger:—“You are a happy people up here in the mountains; you always have the beautiful spectacle of the rising and setting sun before you!” Farmer:—“Yes; but excuse me, doesn’t that happen in the city, too?” Soft and Tender