Stranger (on the lake):—“You had better row ashore, my man; the waves are getting very high; the boat might upset, and I should be lost!” Boatman:—“You need not be afraid, sir; I am at home on the water. A stranger was drowned here only last week, but we found his body the very next day.” Imported Air “I am surprised that the air in this miserable town is so fine! I wonder how it is!” “That comes from the quantity of Swiss cheese that’s consumed here!” “Why, what has that to do with it?” “Well, just think what immense quantities of Swiss air are imported yearly, in the pores of that cheese!” A New Flavor Guest:—“I had two portions of coffee for breakfast; how much?” Waiter:—“Beg pardon, sir, did you have it with or without sunrise?” A Matter of Looks A guest comes to a country tavern and asks for a glass of beer and a piece of cheese. As the latter does not look very appetizing, he calls the host and asks him to bring a nicer piece. He simply turns the slice over, so that the better looking side is turned up and says: “There you are!” Flattered Author (at a mountain inn, reading a fresh newspaper, left by a newcomer):—“... What! the King of Haïti is thinking of getting married?... Hm, hm! I wonder if he has read my article on the necessity of marrying!” CHAPTER VIII _On Cycling_ Street Scene of the Future Ordinance: Every foot passenger will carry a visible number and will ring a bell on approaching a cycler. Riding and driving strictly forbidden. Luck Cycler (passing a carriage on the road):—“And still there are cabs—to-day, when the cycle rules the world! They are a funny sight!... Of course an old woman is in it; who else would use one of those antediluvian vehicles?” (Half an hour later, he and his wheel have been picked up by the occupant of that carriage, both badly bruised and battered):—“What luck, that this cab came along! I wonder how I would have gotten home without it!” Lies Elsewhere Lady (on her wheel, meeting the Herr Förster, an acquaintance):—“Please, Herr Förster, in what direction does Lahnberg lie? I am riding there to meet my husband who is on his new wheel.” “Lahnberg lies about two miles from here on the road to the right—your husband lies to the left.” A Pair of Them A:—“How is your wife?” B:—“I see her very seldom now.” A:—“Why, how is that?” B:—“Well, you see, she always sits behind me on the tandem.” Effect Piano repairer:—“It’s strange that every week a pedal gets broken on this piano.” Footman:—“It’s because our young lady rides a wheel all day.” Too Early to Talk (Two wheelmen, one of whom is a beginner, pass each other.) A:—“I see you are getting on very well!” B:—“Oh yes, for so short a time, I—(falls from his wheel)—you know, my friend, I ought not to talk yet!” Wouldn’t Appear Ridiculous Policeman (to a cycler):—“In this street cycling is forbidden; get off at once!”