Cycler:—“My name is Meyer, policeman, and I live Tulpenplatz 277. Send for the fine—but don’t make me look ridiculous before all these people. I can neither mount nor get off by myself; I can only ride.” Each to His Need Waitress (calling into the kitchen at a country tavern):—“For the gentleman vegetarian a little green fodder, and for his steel horse a drop of oil!” What Papa Brought Home from His Trip Papa (bringing his wheel in):—“Come here, wifey, and bring all the children! Now, all of you open your mouths wide, I am going to open the pneumatic tubes, that I filled on the Arlberg with delicious mountain air for you!” A New Word A:—“Who is that gentleman in that sporty costume?” B:—“That is a teacher of cycling.” A:—“Oh, a sort of velocipedagogue.” CHAPTER IX _Authors, Scientists, Artists, and other Celebrities_ Immanuel Kant and His Hostess The great philosopher was extremely careful about his dress. One day, having donned a new suit, he went for a walk, and in passing a house a careless servant threw some dish-water on him. He expressed his anger in a very lively fashion and went at once into the house from which the girl had come. The daughter of the house received him with many excuses, assuring him that all damage might be avoided if he would permit her to wash the spots off at once. Kant kept on scolding until the young woman had removed all traces of the mishap. She, who knew him very well, asked his name just for mischief, and when he had told her she said: “I am delighted, to have had this occasion to meet you.” “I too am pleased to have made your acquaintance,” replied Kant, “but not with the occasion that brought it about.” “Oh, but it is just the occasion that pleases me so much,” said the young woman, “for if anybody accuses me of vanity after this, because I am very particular about my clothes, I shall tell them that I am following the example of the great Kant.” The Church Steeples At an evening company a number of anecdotes were told of some great man. “I remember to have heard similar anecdotes of other great men,” said Kant, “but that is not surprising; great men are like church-steeples, around both is generally a great deal of wind.” Goethe as a Skater One day Goethe made one of a skating party. His mother and a friend were sitting in a sleigh watching the skaters. Goethe came up to them, took his mother’s long cloak off, hung it around himself, darted to and fro on the ice, cutting the funniest capers for some time before he brought it back to her. Goethe as a Ghost