Ginx's Baby: His Birth and Other Misfortunes; a Satire — John Shaqi
Ginx's Baby: His Birth and Other Misfortunes; a SatireJenkins, Edward
General
Ginx's Baby: His Birth and Other Misfortunes; a Satire
Jenkins, Edward
Christian sects -- Fiction; Education -- Fiction; Orphans -- Fiction; Satire, English
Mr. Edge, ironmonger, pointed out that there was no parliamentary
precedent for such a disposition of the report, and, further, that such
action did not dispose of the baby.
“Well,” said Mr. Cheekey, turning painfully red, “no matter how ye put
it, I move to get rid of the brat. What's the best form of motion?”
A churchwarden, who happened to be a gentleman, explained that the Board
could not dismiss the question in so summary a way. “He could foresee
that there might be a nice point of law in the case. They would have to
take some legal means of ascertaining their liabilities, and of forcing
the other parish to take the child if they ought to do so. They must
consult their solicitor.” This gentleman was sent for post haste.
Meanwhile the baby was ordered to be brought in for inspection. The
matron had handed him over to a sort of half-witted inmate of the house,
whose wits, however, were strangely about him at the wrong time,
to nurse and amuse him. This person brought Ginx's Baby into the
Board-room, and placed him on the table. The Board of Guardians took a
good look at him. He was not then in fair condition. He was limp, he
was dirty, hollow in the cheeks, white, stiff in his limbs, and
half-naked--(to be regardless of gender)--
“Pallidula, rigida, nudula.”
“Hum!” said Mr. Stink, who was a dog-breeder--“What's his pedigree?”
This brutal joke was well received by some of the Guardians.
“His pedigree,” answered the half-wit, gravely, “goes back for three
hundred years. Parients unknown by name, but got by Misery out o'
Starvashun. The line began with Poverty out o' Laziness in Queen
Elizabeth's time. The breed has been a large 'un wotever you thinks of
the quality.”
This pleasantry was less acceptable to the Board.
“Well,” said Mr. Scoop, grocer, a great stickler for parliamentary modes
of procedure, “I move it be committed.”
“Committed! Where?” said Mr. Stink.
“To Newgate I s'pose,” said the half-wit, his eyes twinkling.
“Nonsense, sir,--for consideration. Send that man out,” exclaimed
Scoop--“clear the room for consultation.”
Davus was expelled, and the baby was then formally consigned to the care
of a committee. By this time the legal adviser came in. The facts having
been stated to him, he said:
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