Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts — John Shaqi
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
Hay fever : $b A light comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy); Families -- Drama; Psychological games -- Drama
JUDITH: It’s so difficult to tell, isn’t it?—I mean, you might not know
yourself. She’s very attractive.
RICHARD: Yes, she is—very.
JUDITH: Have you heard her sing?
RICHARD: No, not yet.
JUDITH: She sings beautifully. Are you susceptible to music?
RICHARD: I’m afraid I don’t know very much about it.
JUDITH: You probably are, then. I’ll sing you something.
RICHARD: Please do.
JUDITH (_rising_): It’s awfully sad for a woman of my temperament to
have a grown-up daughter, you know. I have to put my pride in my pocket
and develop in her all the charming little feminine tricks which will
eventually cut me out altogether.
RICHARD: That wouldn’t be possible.
JUDITH: I do hope you meant that, because it was a sweet remark. (_She is
at the piano, turning over music._)
RICHARD (_following her_): Of course I meant it.
JUDITH: Will you lean on the piano in an attentive attitude? It’s such a
help.
RICHARD: You’re an extraordinary person.
JUDITH (_beginning to play_): In what way extraordinary?
RICHARD: When I first met Sorel, I guessed what you’d be like.
JUDITH: Did you, now? And am I?
RICHARD (_smiling_): Exactly.
JUDITH: Oh, well.... (_She plays and sings a little French song._)
[_There is a slight pause when it is finished._
RICHARD (_with feeling_): Thank you.
JUDITH (_rising from the piano_): It’s pretty, isn’t it?
RICHARD: Perfectly enchanting.
JUDITH: Shall we sit down again? (_She re-seats herself on sofa._)
RICHARD: Won’t you sing any more?
JUDITH: No, no more—I want you to talk to me and tell me all about
yourself, and the things you’ve done.
RICHARD: I’ve done nothing.
JUDITH: What a shame! Why not?
RICHARD: I never realise how dead I am until I meet people like you. It’s
depressing, you know.
JUDITH: What nonsense! You’re not a bit dead.
RICHARD: Do you always live here?
JUDITH: I’m going to, from now onwards. I intend to sink into a very
beautiful old age. When the children marry, I shall wear a cap.
RICHARD (_smiling_): How absurd!
JUDITH: I don’t mean a funny cap.
RICHARD: You’re far too full of vitality to sink into anything.
JUDITH: It’s entirely spurious vitality. If you troubled to look below
the surface, you’d find a very wistful and weary spirit. I’ve been
battling with life for a long time.
RICHARD: Surely such successful battles as yours have been are not
wearying?
JUDITH: Yes, they are—frightfully. I’ve reached an age now when I just
want to sit back and let things go on around me—and they do.
RICHARD: I should like to know exactly what you’re thinking about—really.
JUDITH: I was thinking of calling you Richard. It’s such a nice
uncompromising name.
RICHARD: I should be very flattered if you would.
JUDITH: I won’t suggest you calling me Judith until you feel really
comfortable about me.
RICHARD: But I do—Judith.
JUDITH: I’m awfully glad. Will you give me a cigarette?
RICHARD (_producing case_): Certainly.
JUDITH (_taking one_): That’s a divine case.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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