American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American; West (U.S.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
“‘Willie,’ says I, riding over close to his palfrey, ‘your infatuated
parents may have denounced you by the name of Jackson, but you sure
moulted into a twittering Willie—let us slough off this here analysis
of rain and the elements, and get down to talk that is outside the
vocabulary of parrots. That is a bad habit you have got of riding with
young ladies over at Pimienta. I’ve known birds,’ says I, ‘to be served
on toast for less than that. Miss Willella,’ says I, ‘don’t ever want
any nest made out of sheep’s wool by a tomtit of the Jacksonian branch
of ornithology. Now, are you going to quit, or do you wish for to
gallop up against this Dead-Moral-Certainty attachment to my name,
which is good for two hyphens and at least one set of funeral
obsequies?’
“Jackson Bird flushed up some, and then he laughed.
“‘Why, Mr. Judson,’ says he, ‘you’ve got the wrong idea. I’ve called on
Miss Learight a few times; but not for the purpose you imagine. My
object is purely a gastronomical one.’
“I reached for my gun.
“‘Any coyote,’ says I, ‘that would boast of dishonourable—’
“‘Wait a minute,’ says this Bird, ‘till I explain. What would I do with
a wife? If you ever saw that ranch of mine! I do my own cooking and
mending. Eating—that’s all the pleasure I get out of sheep raising. Mr.
Judson, did you ever taste the pancakes that Miss Learight makes?’
“‘Me? No,’ I told him. ‘I never was advised that she was up to any
culinary manoeuvres.’
“‘They’re golden sunshine,’ says he, ‘honey-browned by the ambrosial
fires of Epicurus. I’d give two years of my life to get the recipe for
making them pancakes. That’s what I went to see Miss Learight for,’
says Jackson Bird, ‘but I haven’t been able to get it from her. It’s an
old recipe that’s been in the family for seventy-five years. They hand
it down from one generation to another, but they don’t give it away to
outsiders. If I could get that recipe, so I could make them pancakes
for myself on my ranch, I’d be a happy man,’ says Bird.
“‘Are you sure,’ I says to him, ‘that it ain’t the hand that mixes the
pancakes that you’re after?’
“‘Sure,’ says Jackson. ‘Miss Learight is a mighty nice girl, but I can
assure you my intentions go no further than the gastro—’ but he seen my
hand going down to my holster and he changed his similitude—‘than the
desire to procure a copy of the pancake recipe,’ he finishes.
“‘You ain’t such a bad little man,’ says I, trying to be fair. ‘I was
thinking some of making orphans of your sheep, but I’ll let you fly
away this time. But you stick to pancakes,’ says I, ‘as close as the
middle one of a stack; and don’t go and mistake sentiments for syrup,
or there’ll be singing at your ranch, and you won’t hear it.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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