Hoiman and the Solar CircuitDewey, G. Gordon (George Gordon)
Science
Hoiman and the Solar Circuit
Dewey, G. Gordon (George Gordon)
Science fiction; Short stories; Wrestlers -- Fiction; Wrestling -- Fiction
"So Hoiman Katz is not sleeping yet at the switch. He's got it up
here." A grimy forefinger tapped his wrinkled brow. "I says, Hoiman,
if we don't get it here, we gotta go where we _can_ get it."
Sherry came back with Hoiman's two bottles of beer, and my steak and
french fries. The steak was a dream, and the french fries were a
crisp, rich golden brown that started my mouth watering.
Sherry wanted to talk. I waved her down, and she went away pouting. If
there was a story in Hoiman I wanted to get it without interference.
He was pouring a second glass of beer. His beady eyes swivelled up to
mine, then quickly away. "You want I should tell you about my bum?"
I mumbled something through a mouthful of good juicy steak.
Hoiman sighed, reminiscently, and a grimy paw swooped into my french
fries. I moved them to the other side of my steak platter.
We woiked all up and down the Coast, (Hoiman said). My bum took all
comers. Slasher Slade had his abominal stretch. Crusher Kane had his
rolling rocking horse split; Manslaughter Murphy had his cobra
holt--but none of those guys had anything like my Bum's pretzel bend.
He trun 'em all, and they stayed trun.
That was fine. All through the fifties, and the sixties we made plenty
scratch. Maybe it slowed down, but we was eating regular. In the
seventies my bum was slowing up. I shoulda seen it when he started
missing his holt. That leaves him wide open, see? And twict the other
bum moiders him.
That was recent--they was just putting in regular passenger service on
the space lines, so you could buy tickets to the Moon, or Venus or
Mars. Depended on whether you was ducking a bill or some broad.
By this time my bum is getting pinned to the mat too regular, and
we're slipping out of the big dough. I counts up our lettuce one day,
and I says to my bum, I says, Ray, I says, you and me are going to the
Moon.
So what if they didn't have a rassling circuit there yet, I tell him.
Just leave it to your uncle Hoiman. We'll make our own circuit.
I figured that the ribbon clerks wouldn't be taking space rides for
awhile, and if we went to the Moon we'd find some bums there who could
give my bum a good bout, but not fast enough to toss him.
So we went there.
Hoiman's eyes, looking into the past, had lost their beadiness. He'd
shifted his third glass of beer to his right hand, and his left,
seemingly of its own volition, had found my plate of french fries. The
pile had dwindled by half, and tell-tale potato crumbs were lodged in
the whiskers on Hoiman's unshaven chin. Neither beer nor potatoes in
his mouth seemed to matter--he went right on talking at the same rate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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