Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
It was half past one in the morning. We had sat up late on purpose; we
had gone without our dinner; we had walked two miles. The professor
suggested pinning up the tails of his clerically-cut coat and turning in
his waistcoat. The doorkeeper feared it would not be quite the same
thing. Besides, my French grey trousers refused to adapt themselves.
The doorkeeper proposed our hiring a costume—a little speculation of his
own; gentlemen found it simpler sometimes, especially married gentlemen,
to hire a costume in this manner, changing back into sober garments
before returning home. It reduced the volume of necessary explanation.
“Have you anything, my good man,” said the professor, “anything that
would effect a complete disguise?”
The doorkeeper had the very thing—a Chinese arrangement, with combined
mask and wig. It fitted neatly over the head, and was provided with a
simple but ingenious piece of mechanism by means of which much could be
done with the pigtail. Myself the doorkeeper hid from view under the
cowl of a Carmelite monk.
“I do hope nobody recognises us,” whispered my friend the professor as we
entered.
I can only hope sincerely that they did not. I do not wish to talk about
myself. That would be egotism. But the mystery of the professor
troubles me to this day. A grave, earnest gentleman, the father of a
family, I saw him with my own eyes put that ridiculous pasteboard mask
over his head. Later on—a good deal later on—I found myself walking
again with him through silent star-lit streets. Where he had been in the
interval, and who then was the strange creature under the Chinaman’s
mask, will always remain to me an unsolved problem.
DO WE LIE A-BED TOO LATE?
IT was in Paris, many years ago, that I fell by chance into this habit of
early rising. My night—by reasons that I need not enter into—had been a
troubled one. Tired of the hot bed that gave no sleep, I rose and
dressed myself, crept down the creaking stairs, experiencing the
sensations of a burglar new to his profession, unbolted the great door of
the hotel, and passed out into an unknown, silent city, bathed in a
mysterious soft light. Since then, this strange sweet city of the dawn
has never ceased to call to me. It may be in London, in Paris again, in
Brussels, Berlin, Vienna, that I have gone to sleep, but if perchance I
wake before the returning tide of human life has dimmed its glories with
the mists and vapours of the noisy day, I know that beyond my window
blind the fairy city, as I saw it first so many years ago—this city that
knows no tears, no sorrow, through which there creeps no evil thing; this
city of quiet vistas, fading into hope; this city of far-off voices
whispering peace; this city of the dawn that still is young—invites me to
talk with it awhile before the waking hours drive it before them, and
with a sigh it passes whence it came.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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