This was neither more nor less than the queer extension of her
experience, the double life that, in the cage, she grew at last to
lead. As the weeks went on there she lived more and more into the world
of whiffs and glimpses, she found her divinations work faster and
stretch further. It was a prodigious view as the pressure heightened, a
panorama fed with facts and figures, flushed with a torrent of colour
and accompanied with wondrous world-music. What it mainly came to at
this period was a picture of how London could amuse itself; and that,
with the running commentary of a witness so exclusively a witness,
turned for the most part to a hardening of the heart. The nose of this
observer was brushed by the bouquet, yet she could never really pluck
even a daisy. What could still remain fresh in her daily grind was the
immense disparity, the difference and contrast, from class to class, of
every instant and every motion. There were times when all the wires in
the country seemed to start from the little hole-and-corner where she
plied for a livelihood, and where, in the shuffle of feet, the flutter
of “forms,” the straying of stamps and the ring of change over the
counter, the people she had fallen into the habit of remembering and
fitting together with others, and of having her theories and
interpretations of, kept up before her their long procession and
rotation. What twisted the knife in her vitals was the way the
profligate rich scattered about them, in extravagant chatter over their
extravagant pleasures and sins, an amount of money that would have held
the stricken household of her frightened childhood, her poor pinched
mother and tormented father and lost brother and starved sister,
together for a lifetime. During her first weeks she had often gasped at
the sums people were willing to pay for the stuff they transmitted—the
“much love”s, the “awful” regrets, the compliments and wonderments and
vain vague gestures that cost the price of a new pair of boots. She had
had a way then of glancing at the people’s faces, but she had early
learnt that if you became a telegraphist you soon ceased to be
astonished. Her eye for types amounted nevertheless to genius, and
there were those she liked and those she hated, her feeling for the
latter of which grew to a positive possession, an instinct of
observation and detection. There were the brazen women, as she called
them, of the higher and the lower fashion, whose squanderings and
graspings, whose struggles and secrets and love-affairs and lies, she
tracked and stored up against them till she had at moments, in private,
a triumphant vicious feeling of mastery and ease, a sense of carrying
their silly guilty secrets in her pocket, her small retentive brain,
and thereby knowing so much more about them than they suspected or
would care to think. There were those she would have liked to betray,
to trip up, to bring down with words altered and fatal; and all through
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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