"I am no use to anybody in any way," she said, despairingly--"I am not
even good-looking. And Robin--poor foolish Robin!--called me 'lovely'
this afternoon! He has no eyes!"
Then a sudden thought flew across her brain of Ned Landon. The tall
powerful-looking brute loved her, she knew. Every look of his told her
that his very soul pursued her with a reckless and relentless passion.
She hated him,--she trembled even now as she pictured his dark face and
burning eyes;--he had annoyed and worried her in a thousand ways--ways
that were not sufficiently open in their offence to be openly
complained of, though had Farmer Jocelyn's state of health given her
less cause for anxiety she might have said something to him which would
perhaps have opened his eyes to the situation. But not now,--not now
could she appeal to anyone for protection from amorous insult. For who
was she--what was she that she should resent it? She was nothing!--a
mere stray child whose parents nobody knew,--without any lawful
guardian to uphold her rights or assert her position. No wonder old
Jocelyn had called her "wilding"--she was indeed a "wilding" or
weed,--growing up unwanted in the garden of the world, destined to be
pulled out of the soil where she had nourished and thrown
contemptuously aside. A wretched sense of utter helplessness stole over
her,--of incapacity, weakness and loneliness. She tried to think,--to
see her way through the strange fog of untoward circumstance that had
so suddenly enshrouded her. What would happen when Farmer Jocelyn died?
For one thing she would have to quit Briar Farm. She could not stay in
it when Robin Clifford was its master. He would marry, of course; he
would be sure to marry; and there would be no place for her in his
home. She would have to earn her bread; and the only way to do that
would be to go out to service. She had a good store of useful domestic
knowledge,--she could bake and brew, and wash and scour; she knew how
to rear poultry and keep bees; she could spin and knit and embroider;
indeed her list of household accomplishments would have startled any
girl fresh out of a modern Government school, where things that are
useful in life are frequently forgotten, and things that are not by any
means necessary are taught as though they were imperative. One other
accomplishment she had,--one that she hardly whispered to herself--she
could write,--write what she herself called "nonsense." Scores of
little poems and essays and stories were locked away in a small old
bureau in a corner of the room,--confessions and expressions of pent-up
feeling which, but for this outlet, would have troubled her brain and
hindered her rest. They were mostly, as she frankly admitted to her own
conscience, in the "style" of the Sieur Amadis, and were inspired by
his poetic suggestions. She had no fond or exaggerated idea of their
merit,--they were the result of solitary hours and long silences in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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