_Swell Keeper (to party assembled)._ "NOW, I WANTS A COUPLE O' LORDS FORRAO--A COUPLE O' LORDS ON THE RIGHT, AND A COUPLE O' LORDS ON THE LEFT!" (_Turning to humble Commoner in Knickerbockers and Zouave gaiters._) "YOU TRY THE HIGH STUFF WITH THE BEATERS, AND TAKE YOUR CHANCE OF A HARE BACK."] [Illustration: _JOLLY ANGLERS._ OLD FLOAT AND TOM GENTLE DON'T GET ANY BITES, SO THEY LAND ON AN ISLAND TO HAVE A QUIET SMOKE--THEY SUDDENLY DISCOVER THAT THE ROPE HAS SLIPPED, AND THE BOAT IS DRIFTING DOWN THE RIVER! (_No one near for miles._)] [Illustration: _DINER À LA RUSSE._ _Host._ "STAY, STEVENS--WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SALMON? NOBODY HAS HAD ANY OF IT!" _Butler._ "PRAY, SIR, WHAT ARE WE TO HAVE FOR SUPPER?"] [Illustration: _A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT._ _Mr. Bristles._ "THEN YOU REALLY THINK IT AN IMPROVEMENT, EH?" _Miss Spikes._ "DECIDEDLY--IT HIDES SO MUCH MORE OF YOUR FACE."] [Illustration: _A TRUE TALE._ THE EARTHQUAKE WAS FELT, TOO, IN MANY PARTS OF LONDON. THIS IS OLD BEERY, THE CHURCHWARDEN, WHO DECLARES THAT WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE MARQUIS OF GRANBY THE PAVEMENT HIT HIM ON THE NOSE, AND THAT HIS STREET-DOOR WOULDN'T LET HIM GET HIS LATCH-KEY IN.] [Illustration: _CURIOUS ECHO AT A RAILWAY STATION._ _Traveller._ "PORTER! PORTER!" _Echo._ "DON'T YOU WISH YOU MAY GET HIM?"] [Illustration: _A DIFFICULT TASK._ _Costermonger._ "NOW, MISTER, I WANTS MY DELICACY OF TOUCH RESTORED, AND THE SEAL OF HELEGANCE IMPRESSED UPON MY BUNCH OF FIVES!"] [Illustration: _DISSENTERS IN THE UNIVERSITY._ _Head of House._ "PRAY, SIR, MAY I ASK WHY YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ATTENDING CHAPEL?" _Sir Liabed Rattlecash._ "WHY, SIR, THE FACT IS--AW--THAT--I--AW--HAVE BECOME A DISSENTER."] [Illustration: _A DRAWING-ROOM._ _William._ "NOW, CHAWLES, AIN'T YOU READY? _OUR_ CARRIAGE IS AT THE DOOR AND THE FOLKS ARE IN!"] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM, &c.--No. XIV._ _Lady._ "THEN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" _Domestic._ "WELL, MA'AM, IF YOU ARST ME, I B'LIEVE THE REEL REASON WERE, THAT MISSUS THOUGHT I WERE TOO GOOD-LOOKING!"] [Illustration: _AN OPPORTUNITY._ _Frederick (pointing to sleeping Cabby)._ "THERE, AUNT! NOW'S YOUR TIME FOR A PAIR OF GLOVES!"] [Illustration: _CHAMBER PRACTICE._ _Messenger (from Studious Party in the floor below)._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MASTER'S COMPLIMENTS, AND HE SAYS HE'D BE MUCH OBLIGED IF YOU'D LET HIM KNOW WHEN THE REPAIRS WILL BE FINISHED, FOR THE KNOCKING DO DISTURB HIM SO!"] [Illustration: _TAKING THE RISKS._ _First Undergraduate._ "HI! FRANK! HERE'S A GATE!" _Second Undergraduate._ "GATE! I DIDN'T PAY TWO GUINEAS TO GO THROUGH GATES, WITH SUCH LOVELY POSTS AND RAILS BEFORE ME!"] [Illustration: _A TOLERABLY BROAD HINT._ _Cabby (after driving a couple of miles, suddenly stops opposite a roadside Public House)._ "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR, BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY AS WE WAS TO PULL UP ANYWHERES, DID YOU, SIR?"] [Illustration: _CONSOLATION._