_Emily (to rejected Subs)._ "IT'S VERY DISAGREEABLE, CERTAINLY, TO BE UNSUCCESSFUL IN YOUR EXAMINATIONS, AND SO MANY TIMES, TOO! BUT I SHOULD WORK HARD, AND TRY AGAIN." _Younger and much too sharp Brother._ "NEVER YOU MIND, CHARLEY! IT PROVES THAT THERE'S NO WANT OF _PLUCK_ ABOUT YOU!"] [Illustration: _A SIGN OF PROGRESS._ _Cousin Florence._ "WELL, TOMMY, AND SO YOU LIKE YOUR LITTLE FRIEND PHILIP, DO YOU? AND HOW OLD DO YOU THINK HE IS?" _Tommy._ "WELL, I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW; BUT I SHOULD THINK HE WAS _RATHER_ OLD, FOR HE BLOWS _HIS OWN NOSE!_"] [Illustration: _AN UNFEELING HUSBAND._ "NOW, MY LOVE!--ARE YOU NOT READY FOR CHURCH?" "READY FOR CHURCH, MR. SMITH!--HOW YOU TALK!--WHEN YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT ODIOUS MISS JACKSON HAS NOT SENT HOME MY NEW BARÈGE DRESS!"] [Illustration: _A LITTLE SMOKE-JACK._ _Small Foxhunter._ "HERE! STOP A BIT, MAJOR, HAVE ONE OF MINE! THE GOVERNOR'S AIN'T IN GOOD CONDITION--NOW I'VE HAD MINE FOR EVER SO MANY YEARS, AND THEY'RE SPLENDID!"] [Illustration: _A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT._ _Boys._ "OH, AIN'T HE MOPS AND BROOMS, NEITHER!" _Baker._ "WHY DON'T THEY TAKE HIM TO THE STATION?" _Tender Female._ "HE'S ILL, POOR GENTLEMAN, HE SHOULD GO TO THE HOSPITAL!" _Cabby (contemptuously)._ "HILL! 'ORSEPITAL INDEED!--_I ONY WISH I'D GOT ARF HIS COMPLAINT!_"] [Illustration: _THE PHOTOGRAPH._ _Mary._ "WHY, TUMMAS, IT'S THE VERY MORAL OF YER!" _Tummas._ "PRETTY THING, AIN'T IT? PITY THE YALLER OF THE UNIFORM COMES SO BLACK!"] [Illustration: _CRINOLINE FOR DOMESTIC USE._ _Domestic._ "BOTHER MISSUS. SHE WEARS IT HERSELF, AND I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T."] [Illustration: _SOMETHING IN THAT!_ "NOW, TOM," SAID YOUNG JOE WAGLEY, "ONE OF US OUGHT TO GO ON THIS SIDE OF THE HEDGE, AND ONE ON THE OTHER; SO I'LL TAKE THIS, IF YOU WILL GET OVER THE STILE."--"OH, YES," REPLIED TOM; "BUT HOW ABOUT THE BULL?"] [Illustration: _SALMON FISHING._ _Piscator._ "FOLLOW HIM UP! IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY FOLLOW HIM UP!"] [Illustration: _A MERE TRIFLE._ _Gertrude._ "BUT, MY DEAR ARTHUR, HOW CAME YOU TO GET SUCH A 'CROPPER,' AS YOU CALL IT?" _Arthur._ "WELL! IT WAS JUST THE LITTLE BIT OF A PLACE WHERE A FELLOW DOES GET SPILT SOMETIMES--THERE WAS A DITCH ABOUT A COUPLE OF YARDS WIDE, AND THEN A HIGHISH BANK, YOU KNOW, WITH A STIFFISH QUICKSET ON THE TOP--AND A NASTYISH POST AND RAILS JUST BEYOND--AND THEN ANOTHER WIDISH SORT OF A DITCH AND INTO A FIELD WHERE THEY HAD BEEN DRAINING--AND SO, YOU SEE, SOMEHOW OR OTHER, WE CAME TO GRIEF!"] [Illustration: _REAL TRAGEDY._ _Old Party (proprietor of nasty yapping Pet Dog)._ "OH, POLICEMAN! MY DARLING FLO JUST BIT THAT HORRID MAN'S LEG, AND HE HAS HIT HER WITH HIS CANE."] [Illustration: _ON DUTY._] [Illustration: _A CONNOISSEUR._ AT A DINNER GIVEN BY MY LORD BRODACRES TO SOME OF HIS TENANTS, CURAÇOA IS HANDED IN A LIQUEUR-GLASS TO OLD TURNIPTOPS, WHO, SWALLOWING IT WITH MUCH RELISH, SAYS--"OI ZAY, YOUNG MAN! OI'LL TAK ZUM O' THAT IN A MOOG!"] [Illustration: _WELL TIMED._