AS SLEEP IS OUT OF THE QUESTION, OWING TO THOSE CONFOUNDED WAITS, MR. BANGS, LIKE A SENSIBLE PERSON, ACCOMMODATES HIMSELF TO CIRCUMSTANCES, AND PRACTISES HIS DANCING!] [Illustration: _RAILWAY MORALS._ _Guard._ "NOW, MISS! ARE YOU GOING BY THIS TRAIN?" _Miss Rebecca._ "YES! BUT I MUST HAVE A CARRIAGE WHERE THERE ARE NO YOUNG MEN LIKELY TO BE RUDE TO ONE."] [Illustration: _THE CHRISTENING OF JONES'S FIRST. (A FACT.)_ _First Street Boy (without veneration, or sense of propriety)._ "HOLLA! BILL! WHAT'S ALL THIS 'ERE?" _Second Street Boy (without ditto, ditto, ditto)._ "WHY--DON'T YER SEE?--IT'S ONLY A KITTEN GOING TO BE 'UNG!"] [Illustration: _GROUNDLESS ALARM._ _Darling (in straw hat)._ "WHAT ARE YOU BUYING, DEAR?" _Darling (in black hat)._ "WHY, I'M BUYING A _PUNCH_. THE IMPUDENT THING HAS PUT ME IN AS ONE OF HIS GIRLS!"] [Illustration: _RATHER A KITCHENY WAY OF PUTTING IT._ _Housemaid._ "OH--BUT IT COULDN'T A BIN 'ER!" _Cook._ "I TELL YER IT WERE--SHE CALLED UPON MISSUS THIS MORNING, AND SHE 'AD ON A PORK PIE 'AT, AND HALF A PHEASANT STUCK IN IT!"] [Illustration: _A GEOGRAPHICAL JOKE._ _Impertinent Page (late from the dining-room)._ "I SAY, COOKEY AND SOOSAN, YOU MAKE A PRECIOUS FUSS ABOUT A FLEA,--HOW'D YER LIKE TO BE WHERE THE BLACK SEA SAILORS IS NOW?" _Susan._ "WHERE'S THAT, IMPERANCE?" _Page._ "WHY, MASTER SAYS IT'S WHERE THE BUG AND THE NIPPER (DNIEPER) MEET IN ONE BED!" (_Sensation and loud cries of "Oh!"_)] [Illustration: _A SPECIAL PLEADER._ _Fair Equestrian._ "NOW, DON'T BE A CROSS OLD PUNCH; WE REALLY WON'T SPOIL THE BEAUTY OF THE GARDENS."] [Illustration: _ANXIOUS INQUIRERS._ ILL! OH, DEAR NO! ONLY INDISPOSED--TO WALK.] [Illustration: _VERY SLANGY._ _Clara._ "HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW WAISTCOAT, DEAR?" _Harriette._ "WELL, I DECLARE IT'S SWEETLY PRETTY!--THE MOST--A--A--THE MOST SLAP UP THING I'VE SEEN FOR A LONG TIME."] [Illustration: _HORRID GIRL!_ _Mild Youth._ "HAVE YOU SEEN 'THE COLLEEN BAWN'?" _Horrid Girl (with extreme velocity)._ "SEEN 'THE COLLEEN BAWN'! DEAR, DEAR! YES, OF COURSE. SAW IT LAST OCTOBER! AND I'VE BEEN TO THE CRYSTAL PALACE, AND I'VE READ THE GORILLA BOOK!" (_Mild Youth is shut up._)] [Illustration: _GOING TO COURT._] [Illustration: _HARRY TAKES HIS COUSINS TO SEE THE HOUNDS MEET._ _Mamma and Aunt Ellen (to Old Woman)._ "PRAY, HAVE YOU MET TWO LADIES AND A GENTLEMAN?" _Old Woman._ "WELL, I MET THREE PEOPLE--BUT, LA! THERE, I CAN'T TELL LADIES FROM GENTLEMEN NOW-A-DAYS--WHEN I WAS A GAL," &c. &c.] [Illustration: _A SKETCH AT A STEEPLE-CHACE.--THE BROOK JUMP._ _Bumpkin, No. 1._ "WA-AT--ARE THEY A-GWOANG TO JOOMP THIS?" _Bumpkin, No. 2._ "YA-AS!" _Bumpkin, No. 1._ "THEN, I'D RAYTHER WALK THREW!"] [Illustration: _FORCE OF HABIT._ _Old Party (in Hansom)._ "HERE! HOLLO! HI! WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING LIKE THAT, FOR? STOP! LET ME OUT!" _Cabby._ "ALL RIGHT, SIR! I'LL STOP 'IM DIRECTLY, SIR--I _DRUV_ A FIRE-ENGINE FOR TWO YEAR!!"] [Illustration: _LONDON CREAM._