The Swine, (almost always) hav four legs, tho thare iz sum remarkable exceptshuns to this rule. Swine are good quiet boarders; they alwus eat what is sot before them, and don't ask enny phoolish questions. The Swine kan be larnt a great menny amusing things, sich az highsting the front gate oph from the hinges, and finding a hole in the fence to git into the cornfield, but it iz dredful hard work for them tew find the same hole tew git out at, espeshily if yu are in a hurry to hav them. This haz never bin fully explained, but speaks vollums for the swine. Swine can all root well, a swine that kant root well, iz a poor job. _HINTS TEW YUNG HUSBANDS._ 1. Marriage iz a fair transackshun on the face of it. * * * * * 2. Sum marry for buty, and never diskover their mistake; this iz lucky. * * * * * 3. Sum marry for pedigree and feel big for six months, and then cum tew the conklusion, that pedigree aint no better than skim-milk. * * * * * 4. Sum marry tew pleaze their relashuns and are surprized that their relashuns don't kare a cuss for them afterwards. * * * * * 5. Marry Yung!--thare iz but one good excuse for a marriage late in life, and that iz,--a seckond marriage. 28 Days. FEBRUARY. 1871. Q.--What iz the best thing out yet for real comfort? @ @ A.--An aking tooth. @ @ @ [Illustration] _Now gather round the kitchen fire, And pile the chunks on hier and hier, Git out the old fiddle and partners choose, And shake her down in your cowhide shoes._