|29| W || maple sugar @ | I dont kno ov enny thing more | |30| T || @ _hi winds_ @ @ | remorseless, on the face ov the | |31| F || § life iz uncertain @ | earth, than 7 per cent interest. | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ _THE BELLYCOSE GOAT._ The Goat iz a coarse wollen sheep, with a cracked voice and a sanguine digestion. They had rather steal a rotten turnip out ov a garbage barrell than cum honestly bi a peck ov oats. They strike from the hed insted ov the shoulder, and are az likely tew hit the mark az a bumblebee iz. They are faithfull kritters in the hour ov adversity, and will stick tew a man az long az he lives in a shanty. They kan klimb evrything but a greased pole, and are alwus poor in the boddy, but phatt in the stummak. What they eat seems tew all go tew appetight. A phatt Goat would be a literary curiosity. _PREMIUMS._ _Awarded to Velosipede Riders in 1870._ To Abram Parsons, a premium ov 33-1/8 dollars for riding a velosipede down the back stairs ov a gimnazium, and knocking out 18 ov hiz front teeth, and distorting hiz noze. * * * * * To Nimrod Sturgiss, a copper medal with 9 dollars, and a nu pair ov dorg skin gloves, for riding a velosipede into a mill-pond, and gitting drowned. * * * * * To Marshall Peaboddy Smith, a puss ov 2 dollars, and a life membership in the mackerel club, for riding a velosipede over a nu milch cow, and splitting a telegraph pole from top tew bottom. 30 Days. APRIL. 1871. Q.--Define the "fust impreshun." @ @ A.--A mother's kiss. @ @ @ @ @ [Illustration] _April phool was born this month, A simpleton, but clever; And tho 4000 years ov age, He's just az big a phool az ever._