"_Petroleum._"--I hav looked into the ile boring with grate anxiety, and have satisfied miself that it is a good bore. If you git enny thing in this world worth having, you have tew bore for it without mercy. Az a general thing, the bigger the augur iz, the bigger the hole, unless you bore into a mill pond. Menny people are satisfied in doing a gimblet bizziness, and this shows good judgment. Yu never see a smart and well to do squirrel that wants tew reside in a woodchuck's hole. Animals are more sensible than humans; they don't bild a house they kant fill. I am not at liberty tew tell yu what i dew think about iles giving out, but i advise yu to bore at onst and keep at it, and if you don't strike grease, you will have the satisfaction ov knowing that yu hav made a hole. I am not half so anxious tew kno how much ile men are a gitting, az i am tew kno that everybody iz a boring. Mi advise has alwus bin, don't bore for enny ile--"stock." XLIII. CHIPS FROM THE BUTT CUT OV WISDUM. Just about in proportion that a woman bekums famous away from home, she haz dun suthin she hadn't oughter. * * * * * I don't think it will pay enny man tew be poor jist for the sake ov being a philosopher. * * * * * The sharpest men hav the fewest ideas, but, like the sun-glass, they kan focus them quick, and the consequentz is, sumboddy gits burnt. * * * * * Them hosses who ackt just az though they waz agoin to run away awl the time hardly ever do, but the dozy ones, when they do git started, kant run fast enuff to suit them.--It is sum so with the human critters. * * * * * Ridicule iz the only successful persecution i kno ov. * * * * * Tew git at the full sublimity ov a wimmins right lekturer, go tew her hum, and witness her old man striving to nuss their last baby, and notis what a dredful sloppy job he makes ov it. * * * * * Avarice makes villins ov sum, and growling wretches ov all. * * * * * Philosophy iz the art ov making ourselfs happy, but yet i find 7 times as mutch philosophy in the world az i do happiness. * * * * * Marrying for love iz postponed for the present; in the mean time Cupid dips hiz arrows in petroleum and fires at brown stone fronts, just to keep hiz hand in. * * * * * Pleazure iz just az natural az smelling; thare is az mutch joy in sliding down hill by moonlight, on a barrel stave, az there is 40 years afterwards, in bein principal stock-holder, and president ov a double track ralerode. * * * * * We should make virtue our master, not our servant. * * * * *