"Manners are stronger than laws." Their vast convenience I must always
admire. The perfect defence and isolation which they effect makes an
insuperable protection. Though the person so clothed wrestle with you,
or swim with you, lodge in the same chamber, eat at the same table, he
is yet a thousand miles off, and can at any moment finish with you.
Manners seem to say, _You are you, and I am I_. In the most delicate
natures, fine temperament and culture build this impassable wall. Balzac
finely said: "Kings themselves cannot force the exquisite politeness of
distance to capitulate, hid behind its shield of bronze."
Nature values manners. See how she has prepared for them. Who teaches
manners of majesty, of frankness, of grace, of humility,--who but the
adoring aunts and cousins that surround a young child? The babe meets
such courting and flattery as only kings receive when adult; and, trying
experiments, and at perfect leisure with these posture-masters and
flatterers all day, he throws himself into all the attitudes that
correspond to theirs. Are they humble? he is composed. Are they eager?
he is nonchalant. Are they encroaching? he is dignified and inexorable.
And this scene is daily repeated in hovels as well as in high houses.
Nature is the best posture-master. An awkward man is graceful when
asleep, or when hard at work, or agreeably amused. The attitudes of
children are gentle, persuasive, royal, in their games and in their
house-talk and in the street, before they have learned to cringe. 'Tis
impossible but thought disposes the limbs and the walk, and is masterly
or secondary. No art can contravene it, or conceal it. Give me a
thought, and my hands and legs and voice and face will all go right. And
we are awkward for want of thought. The inspiration is scanty, and does
not arrive at the extremities.
It is a commonplace of romances to show the ungainly manners of the
pedant who has lived too long in college. Intellectual men pass for
vulgar, and are timid and heavy with the elegant. But, if the elegant
are also intellectual, instantly the hesitating scholar is inspired,
transformed, and exhibits the best style of manners. An intellectual
man, though of feeble spirit, is instantly reinforced by being put into
the company of scholars, and, to the surprise of everybody, becomes a
lawgiver. We think a man unable and desponding. It is only that he is
misplaced. Put him with new companions, and they will find in him
excellent qualities, unsuspected accomplishments, and the joy of life.
'Tis a great point in a gallery, how you hang pictures; and not less in
society, how you seat your party. The circumstance of circumstance is
timing and placing. When a man meets his accurate mate, society begins,
and life is delicious.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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