French fiction -- 20th century; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
My customary life continues and my work is always the same. I make
notes, by the way, of Crillon's honest trivialities; of Brisbille's
untimely outbursts; of the rumors anent the Pocard scheme, and the
progress of the Association of Avengers, a society to promote national
awakening, founded by Monsieur Joseph Bonéas. The same complex and
monotonous existence bears me along as it does everybody. But since
that tragic night when my sorrow was transformed into joy at the
lyke-wake in the old room, in truth the world is no longer what it was.
People and things appear to me shadowy and distant when I go out into
the current of the crowds; when I am dressing in my room and decide
that I look well in black; when I sit up late at my table in the
sunshine of hope. Now and again the memory of my aunt comes bodily
back to me. Sometimes I hear people pronounce the name of Marie. My
body starts when it hears them say "Marie," who know not what they say.
And there are moments when our separation throbs so warmly that I do
not know whether she is here or absent.
* * * * * *
During this walk that we have just had together the summer and the
sweetness of living have weighed more than ever on my shoulders. Her
huge home, which is such a swarming hive at certain times, is now
immensely empty in the labyrinth of its dark stairs and the landings,
whence issue the narrow closed streets of its corridors, and where in
the corners taps drip upon drain-stones. Our immense--our naked
solitude pervades us. An exquisite emotion takes hold of me while we
are slowly climbing the steep and methodical way. There is something
human in the stairway; in the inevitable shapes of its spiral and its
steps cut out of the quick, in the rhythmic repetition of its steps. A
round skylight pierces the sloping roof up there, and it is the only
light for this part of the people's house, this poor internal city.
The darkness which runs down the walls of the well, whence we are
striving to emerge step by step, conceals our laborious climb towards
that gap of daylight. Shadowed and secret as we are, it seems to me
that we are mounting to heaven.
Oppressed by a common languor, we at last sat down side by side on a
step. There is no sound in the building under the one round window
bending over us. We lean on each other because of the stair's
narrowness. Her warmth enters into me; I feel myself agitated by that
obscure light which radiates from her. I share with her the heat of
her body and her thought itself. The darkness deepens round us.
Hardly can I see the crouching girl there, warm and hollowed like a
nest.
I call her by her name, very quietly, and it is as though I made a loud
avowal! She turns, and it seems that this is the first time I have
seen her naked face. "Kiss me," she says; and without speaking we
stammer, and murmur, and laugh.
* * * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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