English drama -- 20th century; English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
"We've got twelve hours," said Guy in a meditative voice, "but that's
only clock-work time. You can give an hour the quality of
everlastingness, and spend years which are as though they had never
been. We get our immortality here and now; it's a question of quality,
not of quantity. I don't look forward to golden harps or anything of
that sort. I know that when I am dead, I shall be dead; there isn't
any afterwards. If I'm killed, my immortality will be in your memory.
Perhaps, too, somebody will read the things I've written, and in his
mind I shall survive, feebly and partially. But in your mind I shall
survive intact and whole."
"But I'm sure we shall go on living after death. It can't be the end."
Marjorie was conscious that she had heard those words before. Where?
Oh yes, it was earnest Evangeline who had spoken them at the school
debating society.
"I wouldn't count on it," Guy replied, with a little laugh. "You may
get such a disappointment when you die." Then in an altered voice, "I
don't want to die. I hate and fear death. But probably I shan't be
killed after all. All the same . . ." His voice faded out. They
stepped into a tunnel of impenetrable darkness between two tall
hornbeam hedges. He had become nothing but a voice, and now that had
ceased; he had disappeared. The voice began again, low, quick,
monotonous, a little breathless. "I remember once reading a poem by
one of the old Provençal troubadours, telling how God had once granted
him supreme happiness; for the night before he was to set out for the
Crusade, it had been granted him to hold his lady in his arms--all the
short eternal night through. Ains que j'aille oltre mer: when I was
going beyond sea." The voice stopped again. They were standing at the
very mouth of the hornbeam alley, looking out from that close-pent
river of shadow upon an ocean of pale moonlight.
"How still it is." They did not speak; they hardly breathed. They
became saturated with the quiet.
Marjorie broke the silence. "Do you want me as much as all that, Guy?"
All through that long, speechless minute she had been trying to say
the words, repeating them over to herself, longing to say them aloud,
but paralysed, unable to. And at last she had spoken them,
impersonally, as though through the mouth of someone else. She heard
them very distinctly, and was amazed at the matter-of-factness of the
tone.
Guy's answer took the form of a question. "Well, suppose I were killed
now," he said, "should I ever have really lived?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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