He stood within the door of his own house and it was late at night. One
did not breathe any too well within those walls. He had a desire to
creep through the house, to be unheard, and was thankful when he had
got to his own room and had undressed and got into bed without being
spoken to.
In bed he lay with eyes open listening to the night noises from without
the house. They were not very plain. He had forgotten to open the
window. When he had done that a low humming sound arose. The first
frost had not come yet and the night was warm. In the garden owned
by the German, in the grass in his own back-yard, in the branches of
the trees along the streets and far off in the country there was life
abundant.
Perhaps Natalie would have a child. It did not matter. They would go
away together, live together in some distant place. Now Natalie must be
at home in her mother’s house and she would also be lying awake. She
would be taking deep breaths of the night air. He did that himself.
One could think of her and could also think of the people closer
about. There was the German who lived next door. By turning his head
he could see faintly the walls of the German’s house. His neighbor had
a wife, a son and two daughters. Perhaps now they were all asleep. In
fancy he went into his neighbor’s house, went softly from room to room
through the house. There was the old man sleeping beside his wife
and in another room the son who had drawn up his legs so that he lay
in a little ball. He was a pale slender young man. “Perhaps he has
indigestion,” whispered John Webster’s fancy. In another room the two
daughters lay in two beds set closely together. One could just pass
between them. They had been whispering to each other before they slept,
perhaps of the lover they hoped would come, some time in the future.
He stood so close to them that he could have touched their cheeks with
his out-stretched fingers. He wondered why it had happened that he had
become Natalie’s lover instead of the lover of one of these girls.
“That could have happened. I could have loved either of them had she
opened the doors of herself as Natalie has done.”
Loving Natalie did not preclude the possibility of his loving another,
perhaps many others. “A rich man might have many marriages,” he
thought. It was certain that the possibility of human relationship
had not even been tapped yet. Something had stood in the way of a
sufficiently broad acceptance of life. One had to accept oneself and
the others before one could love.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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