As for himself he had to accept now his wife and daughter, draw close
to them for a little before he went away with Natalie. It was a
difficult thing to think about. He lay with wide-open eyes in his bed
and tried to send his fancy into his wife’s room. He could not do it.
His fancy could go into his daughter’s room and look at her lying
asleep in her bed, but with his wife it was different. Something within
him drew back. “Not now. Do not try it. It is not permitted. If she is
ever to have a lover now it must be another,” a voice within him said.
“Did she do something that has destroyed the possibility of that or
did I?” he asked himself sitting up in bed. There was no doubt a human
relationship had been spoiled--messed. “It is not permitted. It is not
permitted to make a mess on the floor of the temple,” the answering
voice within said sternly.
To John Webster it seemed that the voices in the room spoke so loudly
that as he lay down again and tried to sleep he was a little surprised
that they had not awakened from their sleep the others in the house.
II
Into the air of the Webster house and into the air also of John
Webster’s office and factory a new element had come. On all sides of
him there was a straining at something within. When he was not alone or
in the company of Natalie he no longer breathed freely. “You have done
us an injury. You are doing us an injury,” everyone else seemed to be
saying.
He wondered about that, tried to think about it. The presence of
Natalie gave him each day a breathing time. When he sat beside her in
the office he breathed freely, the tight thing within him relaxed. It
was because she was simple and straightforward. She said little, but
her eyes spoke often. “It’s all right. I love you. I am not afraid to
love you,” her eyes said.
However he thought constantly of the others. The bookkeeper refused to
look into his eyes or spoke with a new and elaborate politeness. He had
already got into the habit of discussing the matter of John Webster and
Natalie’s affair every evening with his wife. In the presence of his
employer he now felt self-conscious and it was the same with the two
older women in the office. As he passed through the office the younger
of the three still sometimes looked up and smiled at him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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