Ten or fifteen minutes had passed and in the interval John Webster had
completed his arrangements for leaving the house and setting out with
Natalie on his new adventure in life. In a short time now he would be
with her and all the cords that bound him to his old life would have
been cut. It was sure that, whatever happened, he would never see his
wife again and perhaps he would never see again the woman, now in the
room with him, who was his daughter. If the doors of life could be torn
open they could also be closed. One could walk out of a certain phase
of life as out of a room. There might be traces of him left behind, but
he would no longer be there.
He had put on his collar and coat, arranging everything quite calmly.
Also he had packed a small bag, putting in extra shirts, pajamas,
toilet articles, et cetera.
During all this time his daughter sat at the foot of the bed with her
face buried in the crook of her arm that hung over the railing of the
bed. Was she thinking? Were voices talking within her? What was she
thinking?
In the interval, when the father’s telling of the tale of his life
in the house had ceased and while he was doing the necessary little
mechanical things before setting out on his new way of life, there was
this pregnant time of silence.
There was no doubt that, if he had become insane, the insanity within
was becoming constantly more fixed, more a habit of his being.
There was, taking constantly deeper and deeper roots within him, a
new viewpoint of life or rather to be a bit fancy and speak of the
matter more in the modern spirit, as he himself might later have done
laughingly, one might say he had been permanently caught up and held by
a new rhythm of life.
At any rate it is true that, long afterward, when the man sometimes
spoke of the experiences of that time, what he himself said was that
one, by an effort of his own, and if he would but dare let himself go,
could almost at will walk in and out of various planes of life. In
speaking of such matters later he sometimes gave the impression that
he quite calmly believed that one, once he had acquired the talent and
courage for it, that one might even go so far as to be able to walk in
the air along a street at the level of the second story of houses and
look in at the people going about their private affairs in the upper
rooms as a certain historic man of the East is said to have once walked
on the surface of the waters of a sea. It was all a part of a notion he
had got fixed in his head regarding the tearing down of walls and the
taking of people out of prisons.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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