Who knows, I said to myself, who knows? Perhaps this is the sin of which the Scripture says that it cannot be forgiven. * * * * * The twilight deepened, it became night, and a star burned between the trees in the wood, where we were walking in pairs. But I was alone. I do not remember any more where I went that evening. I separated from the others and went deeper into the wood. But deep within the wood among the firs I saw a birch with a shining white stem. By the stem stood two young people kissing, and I saw that one of them was the young girl who smelled of pine woods and heather. But the other was the apothecary, and he was a quite ordinary apothecary with a white vest. He held her pressed against the white stem of the birch and kissed her. But when he had kissed her three times, I went away and wept bitterly. COMMUNION It happened when I was hardly more than a boy. It was on a blustering autumn evening on board a coast steamer. We had not yet come in from the country, and I had to go in and out of town to school. I had been lazy as usual and was to be examined in several subjects in order to be promoted into a higher class. I went back and forward on the deck in the darkness, with collar turned up and hands in my coat pockets, thinking of my reverses at school. I was almost sure to flunk. As I leaned forward over the railing and saw how the foam hissed whitely and the starboard lantern threw sparkling green reflections on the black water, I felt tempted to jump overboard. Then at least the mathematics teacher would be sorry for the way he had tormented me--then, when it was too late---- But in the end it grew cold outside, and when I thought I had been freezing long enough, I went into the smoking cabin. In my imagination I can still see the warm, comfortable interior which met my view when I opened the door. The lighted ceiling-lamp swung slowly back and forth like a pendulum. On the table steamed four whiskey toddies, four cigars puffed, and four gentlemen were telling smutty stories. I recognized them all as neighbors of our summer sojourn: a company director, an old clergyman, a leading actor, and a button dealer. I bowed politely and threw myself down in a corner. I had, to be sure, a slight feeling that my presence might perhaps be superfluous; but on the other hand it would have been asking too much of me to go out into the wind and freeze when there was so much room in the cabin. Furthermore I knew within myself that I might very well contribute to the entertainment if necessary. The four men looked askance at me with a certain coolness, and there was a pause. I was sixteen and had recently been confirmed. People have told me that at that time I had a guileless and innocent appearance.