Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three ActsMilne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
General
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts
Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
English drama -- 20th century
GEORGE. Oh, of course--You--naturally I--Oh, this is horrible! (_Sits
with his face in his hands at writing-table_.)
(OLIVIA _is about to speak to him as_ LADY MARDEN _enters from up_ L.
LADY MARDEN _looks at_ GEORGE, _then moves down to centre._ DINAH
_follows and comes to_ L. _back end of settee._ BRIAN _follows_ DINAH
_and comes to back of table_ L.C. OLIVIA _moves round to_ L. _end of
settee_ L.)
OLIVIA (_after a pause_). George and I have had some rather bad news,
Aunt Julia. We wanted your advice. Where will you sit?
LADY MARDEN. Thank you, Olivia. I can sit down by myself.
(_She does so, on lower end of settee_ R., _moving cushion away_.)
OLIVIA (_to_ DINAH). You sit there, my darling.
(DINAH _sits in arm-chair down_ L. _and_ OLIVIA _on settee_ L. _There is
a good pause_. ALL _are looking very uncomfortable_.)
LADY MARDEN. Well, what is it?
(_Another pause_. ALL _are still looking very uncomfortable_.)
Money, I suppose; nobody's safe nowadays.
(_There is another good pause_. GEORGE _looks up hopelessly at_ LADY
MARDEN. BRIAN _moves up inquisitively towards_ GEORGE, _who turns and
gradually raising his head catches sight of_ BRIAN _and gives him a
severe look and_ BRIAN _retreats quickly to back of_ L.C. _table_.)
GEORGE (_signalling for help_). Olivia----
OLIVIA (_after a pause_). We've just heard that my first husband is still
alive.
DINAH. Telworthy!
BRIAN. Good Lord!
LADY MARDEN. George!
DINAH (_excitedly_). And only this morning I was saying that nothing ever
happened in this house! (_Rising from arm-chair and sitting to_ L. _of_
OLIVIA _and remorsefully to her_.) Darling, I don't mean that. Darling
one!
LADY MARDEN. What does this mean, George? I leave you for ten minutes--
barely ten minutes--to go and look at the pigs, and when I come back you
tell me that Olivia is a bigamist.
(DINAH _jumps up and moves to_ L. _of settee_ L.)
BRIAN (_indignantly advancing towards_ LADY MARDEN). I say----
OLIVIA (_restraining him_). H'sh!
BRIAN (_to_ OLIVIA _and taking her hand across table_ L.C.). If this is a
row, I'm on your side.
LADY MARDEN. Well, George?
GEORGE (_rising and coming down to_ LADY MARDEN). I'm afraid it's true,
Aunt Julia. (_Taking stool from_ L.C. _to_ C., _sits on it_. DINAH _sits
in arm-chair down_ L.) We heard the news just before lunch--just before
you came. We've only this moment had an opportunity of talking about it,
of wondering what to do.
LADY MARDEN. What was his name----Tel--something----
OLIVIA. Jacob Telworthy.
LADY MARDEN (_in amazement_). So he's alive still?
GEORGE. Apparently. There seems to be no doubt about it.
LADY MARDEN (_to_ OLIVIA). Didn't you _see_ him die? I should always want
to _see_ my husband die before I married again. Not that I approve of
second marriages, anyhow. I told you so at the time, George.
OLIVIA. _And_ me, Aunt Julia.
LADY MARDEN. Did I? Well, I generally say what I think.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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