Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts — John Shaqi
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three ActsMilne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
General
Mr. Pim Passes By: A Comedy in Three Acts
Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander)
English drama -- 20th century
GEORGE (_sits on foot of table_ L.C.). I see no prospect of Dinah's
marriage taking place for many years.
OLIVIA. No, dear, that was what I said.
GEORGE (_not understanding for the moment_). You said----? I see.
(_Turning and facing her_.) Now look here, Olivia, let us have this
perfectly clear. You apparently insist on treating my--er--proposal as
serious.
OLIVIA (_mock surprise_). But isn't it? Have you been trifling with me?
GEORGE. You know perfectly well what I mean. You treat it as an ordinary
proposal for a man to a woman who have never been anything to each other
before. Very well then, will you kindly tell me what you propose to do if
you decide to--ah--accept me? You do not suggest that we should go on
living together--unmarried?
OLIVIA (_shocked_). Of course not, George!! What would--(_pausing for
additional explanation_)--the County--I mean Heaven--I mean the Law--I
mean--of course not. Besides, it's so unnecessary. If I decide to accept
you, of _course_ I shall marry you.
GEORGE. Quite so. And if you--ah--decide to refuse me, what will you do?
OLIVIA. Nothing.
GEORGE. Meaning by that?
OLIVIA. Just that, George. I shall stay here--just as before.
(GEORGE _rises and approaches her, about to expostulate_.)
I like this house. (_Crossing below_ GEORGE, _looking about the room to
below settee_ L.) It wants a little redecorating, but I do like it,
George... Yes, I shall be perfectly happy here! (_Sits on settee_.)
GEORGE. I see. You will continue to live down here--in spite of what you
said just now about the--the immorality of it.
OLIVIA (_surprised_). But what is there immoral in a widow living alone
in a big country house--with perhaps the niece of a dear friend of hers--
staying with her to keep her company.
GEORGE (_sarcastic_). Oh, and pray what shall I be doing when you've so
very kindly taken possession of my house for me?
OLIVIA. You! Oh, I can't _think_! Travelling, I expect.
GEORGE (_indignant and advancing to her_). Thank you! And suppose I
refuse to be turned out of my own house?
OLIVIA. Then, seeing that we can't both be in it, it looks as though
you'd have to turn me out. (_To herself_.) There must be legal ways of
doing these things. You'd have to consult your solicitor again.
GEORGE. Legal ways?
OLIVIA. Well, you couldn't just throw me out, could you? You'd have to
get an injunction against me--
(GEORGE, _very annoyed, turns away_.)
--or prosecute me for trespass--or something. Of course I shouldn't go if
I could help it, I like the house so much.... It would make an awfully
unusual case, wouldn't it? The papers would be full of it.
GEORGE. The papers!
OLIVIA (_calling as paper boy_). Extra special! Widow of well-known
ex-convict takes possession of J.P.'s house! Special! Special!
GEORGE (_angrily_). I've had enough of this. (_Coming to table_ L.C. _and
speaking across_.) Do you mean all this nonsense?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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